Day 128...The walls have ears

Almost every child can recall a time when their parents had a huge argument. I for one remember several times, crying or trying to yell back, or even sitting in front of the door to make sure neither of them would leave. The truth is, every couple has their fights. That's just a given. And if that relationship is strong enough, you know that, even in the heat of the argument, you'll eventually work through it and all will return to normal. But everything changes once kids are tossed into the mix. My parents were usually good at keeping their arguments to their room, quiet enough so that my brother and I couldn't hear. But clearly that didn't happen every time.

One thing I have noticed a lot at work is, how much the state of the parents effects the children. It's kind of a 'duh' thought, but still. I think a lot of parents, when arguing, forget about how it will affect their child. They become a couple arguing rather than parents, which is totally understandable given the circumstances. But the kids at work, especially those coming from a broken home, have some of the worst behavioral issues I have ever seen! Kids whose parents don't have a healthy relationship are more aggressive, have difficulty respecting authority, and generally tend to lash out at other kids or teachers.

There is some benefit to children seeing their parents in an argument because it can be a learning experience too. They can see how an argument can escalate as well as be solved. They can see that arguing isn't always bad when followed through on. They can see that arguments are never easy, but are still a part of relationships. And with the right amount of effort on both ends, the problem can be solved.

Still, it's never easy to see parents fighting. It can be very scary to a kid. Especially now in a world where divorce is so common, it can often worry even the youngest of minds.

I'm not sure what the solution really is. At some point, every parent is going to have a big argument and perhaps say or do something that will affect their child. For myself, I guess it'll be important to remember that I am always modeling for my child, and that it is still extremely important that my husband and I have a happy healthy relationship in order to have a happy healthy family.

The Pickle doesn't fall far from the Pickle tree.