It came!!! My period finally came! Well...it's more of a brownish discharge then an actual flow, but I'll take it! Actually, that's how my cycle usually starts, (I know, TMI) so I'm not sure if it'll come in full force tomorrow, but either way, it came! My body is menstruating all on it's own! It's just a great sign! That means it'll be easier for me to track my ovulation, and that by February, I'll totally be ready to start trying for Pickle. If I'm already menstruating now on my own, I'll surely be ready two months from now! I guess my body just needed a little extra time to sort itself out. Go figure. At this point, I'm just thrilled that it came. I tackled my husband this morning with huge hugs because I was so excited. We stood for a moment giggling and thanking God that it came. After yesterday's tears and worry, it felt like a miracle.
I'm not getting my usual cramps, so it might just be a day or two with heavy spotting. I'm not sure what to really expect since it's already completely different than when I was on birth control, but at least I know my body is working. I am in good baby making health! Also, speaking of health, since my husband and I have been trying to eat healthier and walking more this week, we have both lost more weight and size! I'm so excited we're already seeing results!
Today is also my second day on my prenatal vitamin, so that should be helping my body as well with shaping up for the upcoming year of growing a baby. But mostly, I'm still just stoked that my period came!!! I was so worried about it yesterday. It is such a huge relief to have it come.
Also, today is New Years Eve! I am a believer that, how I start the new year is a reflection on how the year will go. That's why I always make sure that I celebrate with the ones that I love and that I enter the new year in good spirits. This year, I'm entering the new year with a healthy sign of fertility! As my husband said this morning, it's a fitting sign that I should get my period today because it means I'm starting the year of our pregnancy off in a healthy fertile state.
We're also starting the new year off with good food! Today I started dehydrating pineapples and oranges. And with the orange peels, I cooked them and turned them into candied orange peels. Then, with the water I cooked the orange peels in, I turned that into orange syrup for our pancakes! I'm so happy everything turned out so tasty! This year, with Pickle on the way, I want to learn to truly be resourceful, minimize waste (both food and trash alike), and really stretch the dollar. That's actually part of my new year's resolutions as well as: reconnect with friends, not pass up any opportunities with friends, lose those last few pounds before getting pregnant, get pregnant, and work on managing my stress. It's going to be a wonderful year...I just know it!
I've said it before and I'll say it again Pickle: man I love being fertile! Cowabunga!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Day 139...Dashed hopes
It was a heart-breaking day. Although I had mild cramping, there was still no sign of my period. Never have I started as late as Wednesday! I knew my body would probably need time to adjust to menstruating on its own without the assistance of my birth control, but I had honestly thought it would still come in around its usual time. If I skipped my period completely, that meant I didn't ovulate, and if I didn't ovulate, that means my body isn't ready for making a baby. In my panic, I set to google searching the subject (I couldn't exactly talk to my friends and family about it since none of them have been in my situation) and successfully scared myself all the more. In my search I learned about women who didn't get their periods back until nearly a year after coming off their birth control! Women who were infertile because they had taken birth control for so long, their bodies were unable to get back on track. I was mortified! What if my period didn't come at all? What if we couldn't have Pickle because of me? Waves of guilt and frustration poured over me. I spent the majority of the day crying, praying to God I wasn't going to be infertile for months or worse...years!
To eliminating other possibilities, I took a pregnancy test. Somewhere deep inside me, I hoped more that I was, by chance, pregnant early rather than infertile. But it came up negative. I haven't even tried getting pregnant and already I'm tired of seeing negative pregnancy tests. We have had a few "scares" in the past which, about this time last year, made us originally realize we wanted a baby. When we saw how sad we were to get a negative test, we came to understand how much we actually wanted a baby. Thus the spark of planning for Pickle began. Then in the summer, we knew we wanted to start trying in the new year. Anyway...I'm getting side-tracked. The test was negative and I had no other explanation for my period not showing up other than my body's inability to menstruate on its own without birth control, rendering me infertile. My hopes were dashed and my heart broken. I didn't want to be the reason why we couldn't bring our Pickle...our beautiful baby into the world.
As a quick side-note, I started my prenatal vitamin for the first time. It says on the bottle that, when pregnant or nursing to take up to 6 vitamins in a day! I'm just starting with one until the doctor says otherwise.
I'm trying Pickle! I'm doing everything I can. Please God let my body regulate so that we can try for our baby. Please don't let me be the reason why we couldn't have Pickle! Don't let there be ANY reason we can't have Pickle....please!
To eliminating other possibilities, I took a pregnancy test. Somewhere deep inside me, I hoped more that I was, by chance, pregnant early rather than infertile. But it came up negative. I haven't even tried getting pregnant and already I'm tired of seeing negative pregnancy tests. We have had a few "scares" in the past which, about this time last year, made us originally realize we wanted a baby. When we saw how sad we were to get a negative test, we came to understand how much we actually wanted a baby. Thus the spark of planning for Pickle began. Then in the summer, we knew we wanted to start trying in the new year. Anyway...I'm getting side-tracked. The test was negative and I had no other explanation for my period not showing up other than my body's inability to menstruate on its own without birth control, rendering me infertile. My hopes were dashed and my heart broken. I didn't want to be the reason why we couldn't bring our Pickle...our beautiful baby into the world.
As a quick side-note, I started my prenatal vitamin for the first time. It says on the bottle that, when pregnant or nursing to take up to 6 vitamins in a day! I'm just starting with one until the doctor says otherwise.
I'm trying Pickle! I'm doing everything I can. Please God let my body regulate so that we can try for our baby. Please don't let me be the reason why we couldn't have Pickle! Don't let there be ANY reason we can't have Pickle....please!
Day 138...Horse Pills
I did some more reading in my book "What to expect before you're expecting" (honestly it is amazing! I'm going to have a commercial moment and say that; if any of you couples out there are trying to conceive, grab this book and read it first! It's extremely helpful!) and I came across information on prenatal vitamins. Apparently, they suggest, it's best to start a prenatal vitamin three months before trying to conceive (close to the same time you should be stopping your birth control if you're on it). This helps to get the body prepped and re-nutritionalized (I'm making up words...I know, but you get the point), especially if you've been on birth control for a long time. Long term oral contraceptive use can actually deplete your body of essential nutrients and vitamins needed for baby making. After reading more about it, my husband and I took another walk to the store and picked up some prenatal vitamins for me to start on the following day (I had already taken my normal vitamins so I didn't want to over do it).
I was, however, a bit worried and distracted. As I've mentioned before, I stopped taking birth control about a month ago (right after Thanksgiving), so that I could get my body regulated in time for making Pickle. Normally I start my periods on Sunday, Monday night by the absolute latest. Well here it was, Tuesday, and I hadn't started even a little. I had some mild cramping, but nothing else. I really wish I could talk to my mom or other family members about it, ask them what their experiences were when coming off birth control (like, how long it took for them to get a regular flow again), but there's a problem: none of my family members planned their pregnancy, none were even on birth control at the time! So there isn't any family members I can talk to about it (plus that would totally give away the surprise of us trying to get pregnant). No one in my family knows what it's like to come off of their birth control, how to monitor their ovulation, and none of them planned their pregnancies. Honestly, I think it's harder to plan it (tracking my menstruation, the pressure of conception, budgeting...), but I'd rather be prepared for my baby than just have it happen.
Planned Picklehood
I was, however, a bit worried and distracted. As I've mentioned before, I stopped taking birth control about a month ago (right after Thanksgiving), so that I could get my body regulated in time for making Pickle. Normally I start my periods on Sunday, Monday night by the absolute latest. Well here it was, Tuesday, and I hadn't started even a little. I had some mild cramping, but nothing else. I really wish I could talk to my mom or other family members about it, ask them what their experiences were when coming off birth control (like, how long it took for them to get a regular flow again), but there's a problem: none of my family members planned their pregnancy, none were even on birth control at the time! So there isn't any family members I can talk to about it (plus that would totally give away the surprise of us trying to get pregnant). No one in my family knows what it's like to come off of their birth control, how to monitor their ovulation, and none of them planned their pregnancies. Honestly, I think it's harder to plan it (tracking my menstruation, the pressure of conception, budgeting...), but I'd rather be prepared for my baby than just have it happen.
Planned Picklehood
Day 137...Mountain O' Crap!
We finished the great purge! After hours of cleaning, sorting, and reorganizing, we ended up donating 7 garbage bags full of old clothes and items we never use. We also had nearly an equal size mountain of trash built up too!
When everything had been dumped and donated, and the house was cleaned over once more, if finally felt like a home again. Our closets finally had space to move about, and our little apartment felt twice as big! It almost felt a little empty after all the holiday decorations were packed away, but honestly, I'm ready for the holidays to be over. In my mind, forget the rest of winter. Bring on Spring!
After the great purge was finished, I was able to relax with my husband and watch some more Lost (we've been plowing through the past few seasons on DVD so we can be caught up for the new season coming out soon. It's both addicting and maddening!) and enjoy the evening in our clean home. Other than that, I did some more reading in my awesome new book "What to expect before you're expecting" and learned more ways to prep for pregnancy. Mostly I've been reading about dieting tips on helping to conceive. Mostly it emphasises eating a healthy balanced diet (duh!) and having smaller more frequent meals high in protein and complex carbs to keep blood sugar and energy up. But I also learned more about fertility friendly foods such as oysters (for their zinc) and yams (for some reason, studies have shown that high consumption of yams can lead to higher fertility rates, and even more so, higher chances on conceiving twins). So my husband and I walked to the store and loaded up on lots of fruits, veggies, oysters, whole wheat grains, and yams. Also, thanks to our new dehydrator my parents got me for Christmas, we've been dehydrating fruits like mad so that we have more healthy sweet snacks and so that our produce doesn't go bad before we eat it (as it often does. Yay for organic foods spoiling fast!).
Pickle: part of this complete balanced breakfast.
When everything had been dumped and donated, and the house was cleaned over once more, if finally felt like a home again. Our closets finally had space to move about, and our little apartment felt twice as big! It almost felt a little empty after all the holiday decorations were packed away, but honestly, I'm ready for the holidays to be over. In my mind, forget the rest of winter. Bring on Spring!
After the great purge was finished, I was able to relax with my husband and watch some more Lost (we've been plowing through the past few seasons on DVD so we can be caught up for the new season coming out soon. It's both addicting and maddening!) and enjoy the evening in our clean home. Other than that, I did some more reading in my awesome new book "What to expect before you're expecting" and learned more ways to prep for pregnancy. Mostly I've been reading about dieting tips on helping to conceive. Mostly it emphasises eating a healthy balanced diet (duh!) and having smaller more frequent meals high in protein and complex carbs to keep blood sugar and energy up. But I also learned more about fertility friendly foods such as oysters (for their zinc) and yams (for some reason, studies have shown that high consumption of yams can lead to higher fertility rates, and even more so, higher chances on conceiving twins). So my husband and I walked to the store and loaded up on lots of fruits, veggies, oysters, whole wheat grains, and yams. Also, thanks to our new dehydrator my parents got me for Christmas, we've been dehydrating fruits like mad so that we have more healthy sweet snacks and so that our produce doesn't go bad before we eat it (as it often does. Yay for organic foods spoiling fast!).
Pickle: part of this complete balanced breakfast.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Day 136...The Great Purge
After getting so many things for Christmas, my husband and I figured it would be a good idea to go through all our closets and drawers and purge everything. It's our pre-spring cleaning I suppose. But oh my goodness I had no idea how much crap we had stuffed away in our house! Our donation pile of clothes and random things we don't use is huge, and our trash pile is almost bigger! It's gross! But now that we're going to get rid of it all, it's going to feel so much better. The trick is trying to not accumulate more afterwards. Although, I suppose that's what actual spring cleaning will be for.
It makes me wonder how it'll be if and when I hit the nesting phase of pregnancy. I keep thinking of how we'll set up the nursery and how I'll rearrange the house. I'm already such a neat-freak, I'll probably end up driving my husband crazy with all my obsessive cleaning.
Anyway, the great purge has begun and hopefully will be finished by tomorrow. I also started reading my new book about 'what to expect before expecting' and so far, my husband and I seem to be on the right track. The next step will be for me to schedule an appointment with a doctor and get a basic check up as well as get advice on starting prenatal vitamins. Which reminds me, I also bought folic acid supplements to start taking tomorrow. With the books and vitamins...this is all starting to feel so very real. I'm excited and terrified all in one! :)
Pickle's room...the final frontier.
It makes me wonder how it'll be if and when I hit the nesting phase of pregnancy. I keep thinking of how we'll set up the nursery and how I'll rearrange the house. I'm already such a neat-freak, I'll probably end up driving my husband crazy with all my obsessive cleaning.
Anyway, the great purge has begun and hopefully will be finished by tomorrow. I also started reading my new book about 'what to expect before expecting' and so far, my husband and I seem to be on the right track. The next step will be for me to schedule an appointment with a doctor and get a basic check up as well as get advice on starting prenatal vitamins. Which reminds me, I also bought folic acid supplements to start taking tomorrow. With the books and vitamins...this is all starting to feel so very real. I'm excited and terrified all in one! :)
Pickle's room...the final frontier.
Day 135...If you give a mouse a cookie
Yesterday my husband and I decided to go out and use all the gift cards we got for Christmas. After walking around the mall, past all the 'return item' lines, we went to Borders book store so I could use the gift card I got from one of my students. For Christmas, my mother-in-law got me a children's book I asked for called 'Zen Ties' and I wanted to get the other book that goes with it called 'Zen Shorts'. (Little did my mother-in-law know that she just bought the first book for her future grandchild!) But, even though I went in there to buy just the one book, I ended up leaving with $98 worth of baby books! I found the 'Zen Shorts' story along with a baby's bargain book (tips on cutting the costs when preparing for a baby), and a book on what to expect before expecting. My husband also grabbed two books, one for expecting fathers, and a book of four stories: 'If you give a mouse a cookie', 'If you take a mouse to school', 'If you give a moose a muffin', and 'If you give a pig a pancake'--several of my husband's childhood favorites. It's so exciting to think we are getting stories to share with Pickle! Also, the book I got for 'what to expect before expecting' has all sorts of great information in it. I almost wish I got it a few months ago. But either way, it'll still help.
I also tried my Ben Wa balls for the first time. It was an interesting feeling. It kinda feels like using a tampon. The trick is to keep the pubic muscles flexed so that the balls don't fall out, plus it gives you something to flex down on. I can't say that I felt much of a workout, but then again...I don't really know how I could tell if my vaginal muscles were bulking up. It seemed fairly easy but I plan on doing it every day just to be sure I'm strong and ready for giving birth. I'm going to do it all throughout my pregnancy and after to make sure my vaginal muscles can be strong and recover from it all.
If you give a Pickle a spoon, he'll certainly ask for ice cream.
I also tried my Ben Wa balls for the first time. It was an interesting feeling. It kinda feels like using a tampon. The trick is to keep the pubic muscles flexed so that the balls don't fall out, plus it gives you something to flex down on. I can't say that I felt much of a workout, but then again...I don't really know how I could tell if my vaginal muscles were bulking up. It seemed fairly easy but I plan on doing it every day just to be sure I'm strong and ready for giving birth. I'm going to do it all throughout my pregnancy and after to make sure my vaginal muscles can be strong and recover from it all.
If you give a Pickle a spoon, he'll certainly ask for ice cream.
Day 134...Christmas Day
Christmas was absolutely amazing! It was by far one of the best Christmases ever! I was completely spoiled with gifts, including the one thing I have been wanting for years: an electric acoustic ovation guitar! My husband gave it to me as my final gift of the day. It is absolutely beautiful!
All day we talked, we laughed, we ate rich foods, and we enjoyed the company of our family. It was fantastic. I have never had such a big Christmas before, but I certainly liked it!
Also, in my stocking my husband got me Sex Chocolates (they stimulate the libido), ovulation kits, and Ben Wa Balls. Ben Wa Balls are meant to help exercise the kegel muscles making delivery of the baby a little easier. It will also help me get my vaginal muscles back in place after giving birth. I guess Santa wants us to have a baby. ;)
Merry Christmas Pickle!
All day we talked, we laughed, we ate rich foods, and we enjoyed the company of our family. It was fantastic. I have never had such a big Christmas before, but I certainly liked it!
Also, in my stocking my husband got me Sex Chocolates (they stimulate the libido), ovulation kits, and Ben Wa Balls. Ben Wa Balls are meant to help exercise the kegel muscles making delivery of the baby a little easier. It will also help me get my vaginal muscles back in place after giving birth. I guess Santa wants us to have a baby. ;)
Merry Christmas Pickle!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Day 133...Christmas Eve
Well it's Christmas Eve and I'm sitting here blogging while my husband is at work. Luckily he only has to work two hours today since he pulled ten hour days all week long. It's just stupid that his work has to be open Christmas Eve! Anyway, we had a nice morning together. I made us some breakfast (delicious farm fresh eggs from my work--yes we have chickens there. Yum!) and we each opened one gift from each other. It's tradition in my husband's family to open one gift on Christmas Eve (although I half wonder if he's just making an excuse so he can open more presents! lol) so we did. I got him a pair of gloves to wear while he drives/works (fingerless gloves) and he got me a new broom! I've been desperately needing a new broom since I've had my old one since I was in middle school. It was a fun taste of what's to come tonight and tomorrow.
Today we're going to my parent's place for dinner and opening gifts. I'm hoping everything stays positive and light. And either way, tomorrow should be fun. After spending our morning together, my husband and I are joining his family for a big Christmas get-together. The one thing I'm looking forward to tonight is giving my little nephew his gift. I got him this talking stuffed animal pig that sings and teaches words. It's absolutely annoying! Let the battle begin on who can give the most annoying child's gift to my nephew! And until we have Pickle, my brother can't fight back! It's funny though how many parents will go all out on gifts for their babies. They're not even a year old! They won't care about gifts! Hell, they'll probably play with the box in came in more than the actual toy!
Anyway, I better get ready for the day. I've got family coming to visit and I'm still sitting here in my pajamas! Here's hoping I survive the holiday.
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Pickle.
Today we're going to my parent's place for dinner and opening gifts. I'm hoping everything stays positive and light. And either way, tomorrow should be fun. After spending our morning together, my husband and I are joining his family for a big Christmas get-together. The one thing I'm looking forward to tonight is giving my little nephew his gift. I got him this talking stuffed animal pig that sings and teaches words. It's absolutely annoying! Let the battle begin on who can give the most annoying child's gift to my nephew! And until we have Pickle, my brother can't fight back! It's funny though how many parents will go all out on gifts for their babies. They're not even a year old! They won't care about gifts! Hell, they'll probably play with the box in came in more than the actual toy!
Anyway, I better get ready for the day. I've got family coming to visit and I'm still sitting here in my pajamas! Here's hoping I survive the holiday.
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Pickle.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Day 131...Winter break
Today is my last day of work before my winter break! I am so excited! Luckily it's another half day for me, so the work load should be extremely light. Unfortunately I'm still feeling sick, but I am better than yesterday. My glands are still swollen and I'm absolutely exhausted, but all in all I do feel a little better. So with any luck, come Christmas day, I'll be feeling healthy again.
I'm also excited to announce that my husband got a raise yesterday! He had a review at work and they had nothing but great things to say about him. I am so proud of him! My husband is already an amazing provider for our family. Thanks to him, I can stay home with Pickle for that first year after he/she is born.
So here I go, off to work before I get a glorious week and a half off with my wonderful husband! And good God do I need this break!
Three cheers to my husband and soon to be father of Pickle!
I'm also excited to announce that my husband got a raise yesterday! He had a review at work and they had nothing but great things to say about him. I am so proud of him! My husband is already an amazing provider for our family. Thanks to him, I can stay home with Pickle for that first year after he/she is born.
So here I go, off to work before I get a glorious week and a half off with my wonderful husband! And good God do I need this break!
Three cheers to my husband and soon to be father of Pickle!
Day 30...EmergenC
It's just a few days till Christmas and I was up nearly all night with swollen glands and body aches. Sadly enough, it feels like I'm getting sick just before the holiday. I spent the morning resting and taking vitamins. Luckily I only had to work from 1-6pm. It was easy for the most part, but I wanted nothing more than to be home sleeping more. There isn't much else to say except that I'm really hoping that I am better in time for Christmas.
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
A Pickle in a tree.
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
A Pickle in a tree.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Day 129...Tradition
I was going to talk about behavioral modeling today. But there has been something else on my mind. Tradition. With the upcoming holiday, my husband and his family have all been buzzing with the talk of all their Christmas traditions. In fact, later today we are going to my in-law's house to do their traditional Christmas cookie frosting that they do each year.
All of this has got me to thinking....what are my family traditions? There was often things that we did each year like spend one night walking around the neighborhood to look at all the lights (often after dinner on Christmas Eve), or we would set out my dad's old train set around the tree and take turns driving it around. But a lot of the times, our lives were changing so much that true solid traditions never really took hold. There were years were my dad had to work on Christmas day, or other years where we would celebrate with family and friends but another year it would be just the four of us. All in all, we had little consistency to really establish a firm tradition.
As we got older and my brother and I moved out of the house, our traditions changed even more. Slowly over the past few years, the Christmases at our house grew quiet, and now my parents hardly seem to feel the Christmas spirit at all. After all that has gone on in the past year, they seem too tired and stressed to care about hosting yet another holiday. We're still having Christmas Eve dinner with them, but I can't say that I feel terribly excited to spend the holiday there knowing that they would rather not have anyone there at all.
Last night, my husband and I walked around down town Seattle with my parents to enjoy the lights and festivities that were going on so as to get them more in the holiday spirit. But, instead, it turned out to just be a time for them to vent. By the end of the evening, my husband and I had been dragged down into their "bah humbug" state of mind, trying our best to keep our holiday in our own happy light. Not an easy thing to do when my own family seems to be more bothered by Christmas gatherings than anything else.
I hope that I can find some more joy in new traditions with my husband's family, and I really hope that we can form solid traditions to pass on to our own children some day. I don't want Pickle to grow up struggling to remember if they ever had any holiday traditions at all.
Last night, my parents said it was easier to hang out with us than with my brother and his family because, with us, they can do adult things without the worry of a baby getting in the way. My heart sank. I guess they'll have to enjoy it while they can, because, come this time next year (if all goes to plan) Pickle will be here. I sure hope, someday, my family can find it's way to enjoy family, holidays, and tradition again. It just might take a Christmas miracle.
Traditions, traditions. Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as... as... as a Pickle on the roof!
All of this has got me to thinking....what are my family traditions? There was often things that we did each year like spend one night walking around the neighborhood to look at all the lights (often after dinner on Christmas Eve), or we would set out my dad's old train set around the tree and take turns driving it around. But a lot of the times, our lives were changing so much that true solid traditions never really took hold. There were years were my dad had to work on Christmas day, or other years where we would celebrate with family and friends but another year it would be just the four of us. All in all, we had little consistency to really establish a firm tradition.
As we got older and my brother and I moved out of the house, our traditions changed even more. Slowly over the past few years, the Christmases at our house grew quiet, and now my parents hardly seem to feel the Christmas spirit at all. After all that has gone on in the past year, they seem too tired and stressed to care about hosting yet another holiday. We're still having Christmas Eve dinner with them, but I can't say that I feel terribly excited to spend the holiday there knowing that they would rather not have anyone there at all.
Last night, my husband and I walked around down town Seattle with my parents to enjoy the lights and festivities that were going on so as to get them more in the holiday spirit. But, instead, it turned out to just be a time for them to vent. By the end of the evening, my husband and I had been dragged down into their "bah humbug" state of mind, trying our best to keep our holiday in our own happy light. Not an easy thing to do when my own family seems to be more bothered by Christmas gatherings than anything else.
I hope that I can find some more joy in new traditions with my husband's family, and I really hope that we can form solid traditions to pass on to our own children some day. I don't want Pickle to grow up struggling to remember if they ever had any holiday traditions at all.
Last night, my parents said it was easier to hang out with us than with my brother and his family because, with us, they can do adult things without the worry of a baby getting in the way. My heart sank. I guess they'll have to enjoy it while they can, because, come this time next year (if all goes to plan) Pickle will be here. I sure hope, someday, my family can find it's way to enjoy family, holidays, and tradition again. It just might take a Christmas miracle.
Traditions, traditions. Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as... as... as a Pickle on the roof!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Day 128...The walls have ears
Almost every child can recall a time when their parents had a huge argument. I for one remember several times, crying or trying to yell back, or even sitting in front of the door to make sure neither of them would leave. The truth is, every couple has their fights. That's just a given. And if that relationship is strong enough, you know that, even in the heat of the argument, you'll eventually work through it and all will return to normal. But everything changes once kids are tossed into the mix. My parents were usually good at keeping their arguments to their room, quiet enough so that my brother and I couldn't hear. But clearly that didn't happen every time.
One thing I have noticed a lot at work is, how much the state of the parents effects the children. It's kind of a 'duh' thought, but still. I think a lot of parents, when arguing, forget about how it will affect their child. They become a couple arguing rather than parents, which is totally understandable given the circumstances. But the kids at work, especially those coming from a broken home, have some of the worst behavioral issues I have ever seen! Kids whose parents don't have a healthy relationship are more aggressive, have difficulty respecting authority, and generally tend to lash out at other kids or teachers.
There is some benefit to children seeing their parents in an argument because it can be a learning experience too. They can see how an argument can escalate as well as be solved. They can see that arguing isn't always bad when followed through on. They can see that arguments are never easy, but are still a part of relationships. And with the right amount of effort on both ends, the problem can be solved.
Still, it's never easy to see parents fighting. It can be very scary to a kid. Especially now in a world where divorce is so common, it can often worry even the youngest of minds.
I'm not sure what the solution really is. At some point, every parent is going to have a big argument and perhaps say or do something that will affect their child. For myself, I guess it'll be important to remember that I am always modeling for my child, and that it is still extremely important that my husband and I have a happy healthy relationship in order to have a happy healthy family.
The Pickle doesn't fall far from the Pickle tree.
One thing I have noticed a lot at work is, how much the state of the parents effects the children. It's kind of a 'duh' thought, but still. I think a lot of parents, when arguing, forget about how it will affect their child. They become a couple arguing rather than parents, which is totally understandable given the circumstances. But the kids at work, especially those coming from a broken home, have some of the worst behavioral issues I have ever seen! Kids whose parents don't have a healthy relationship are more aggressive, have difficulty respecting authority, and generally tend to lash out at other kids or teachers.
There is some benefit to children seeing their parents in an argument because it can be a learning experience too. They can see how an argument can escalate as well as be solved. They can see that arguing isn't always bad when followed through on. They can see that arguments are never easy, but are still a part of relationships. And with the right amount of effort on both ends, the problem can be solved.
Still, it's never easy to see parents fighting. It can be very scary to a kid. Especially now in a world where divorce is so common, it can often worry even the youngest of minds.
I'm not sure what the solution really is. At some point, every parent is going to have a big argument and perhaps say or do something that will affect their child. For myself, I guess it'll be important to remember that I am always modeling for my child, and that it is still extremely important that my husband and I have a happy healthy relationship in order to have a happy healthy family.
The Pickle doesn't fall far from the Pickle tree.
Day 127...Packages, boxes, and bags!
Holy smokes! I made out like a bandit yesterday at work! I can't believe all the gifts I was given by the kids in our class! I got gourmet chocolates, a hot chocolate maker, a travel cell phone battery charger, gift cards galore, home made gingerbread, and more! I was absolutely spoiled! The kids were so excited to give the gifts to my lead and I, they wouldn't do any of their work until we opened every present. Sitting with a circle of kids around me, proudly handing me gifts and giving me hugs, all buzzing with talk of Santa and Christmas....I couldn't help but feel the glow of the holiday season. I was so touched that all the kids in my class were so eager and happy to give me a Christmas gift...I wasn't expecting a thing...it blew me away. Even my lead made me some washcloths, knowing that I am a bit of a cleaning freak. It was all so sweet.
I can't wait for the day when we can celebrate the holidays with our little Pickle!
Every time a bell rings, a Pickle gets it's wings!
I can't wait for the day when we can celebrate the holidays with our little Pickle!
Every time a bell rings, a Pickle gets it's wings!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Day 126...Season Eatings
It's the holiday season. It is a time for bad traffic, family madness, alcohol, and horribly hard fruit cake made with those nasty fake jellied wanna-be fruit chunks! But most of all, it seems to be a time for sweets! Every year co-workers, family, neighbors, and friends all pile together their confectionery concoctions and pass them amongst each other as a little "happy holidays" treat.
Last year I made the mistake of eating way too many of the holiday goodies that came my way. Everything from the Black Forest Cake in the break room, to the chocolates given to me by co-workers. I even ate some of the goodies I made in the process of baking for family and friends! By the end of my holiday break, I was 10lbs heavier, and two inches thicker around the middle!
This year, with my preparing for Pickle, I have tried so hard to watch my weight. Amazingly enough, I managed to drop about 7lbs around Thanksgiving time. But in the last week, I have been given more sweets then I could ever possibly imagine! Luckily, this year, I came prepared with a plan. With every sweet treat that has been given to me, I put it in the freezer to portion out and store for a later time. I feel so horrible throwing away the treats that people have made for me, so I figured, if I freeze them I can stretch out all the goodies over a longer period of time so I don't end up gorging myself during the holiday. So far it has worked great! The only down side is....I'm running out of room in my freezer! I have everything from Belgian chocolates, to peppermint bark, cakes, to cookies. Although, the other benefit to freezing all the goodies is that, if I am ever asked to bring a dessert to a family get-together (as I often am), I can just whip out some chocolates or cookies and be good to go! No cooking required.
At work, the teacher's lounge table is so covered in sweets, I can hardly eat my lunch there. But I'm happy to say I have resisted fairly well so far. If I want anything, I just take some home and pop it in the freezer for a later time. It is so tempting to want to eat it all (especially since I am a stress eater. So knowing I have all these goodies as I stress about family and the holidays doesn't help me any), but I keep chanting in my head, "Resist the temptation...do it for Pickle...keep your body healthy for Pickle..." But even with all my resisting to the treats on the table, one of the boys in my class gave me a Christmas gift today....a big box of fancy chocolates. I'm doomed.
So hopefully I can survive the holiday without adding on the pounds I just so recently lost. And as for my husband, once I am pregnant and hormonal, he'll have plenty of chocolates in the house to keep me at bay.
These snozberries taste like Pickles!
Last year I made the mistake of eating way too many of the holiday goodies that came my way. Everything from the Black Forest Cake in the break room, to the chocolates given to me by co-workers. I even ate some of the goodies I made in the process of baking for family and friends! By the end of my holiday break, I was 10lbs heavier, and two inches thicker around the middle!
This year, with my preparing for Pickle, I have tried so hard to watch my weight. Amazingly enough, I managed to drop about 7lbs around Thanksgiving time. But in the last week, I have been given more sweets then I could ever possibly imagine! Luckily, this year, I came prepared with a plan. With every sweet treat that has been given to me, I put it in the freezer to portion out and store for a later time. I feel so horrible throwing away the treats that people have made for me, so I figured, if I freeze them I can stretch out all the goodies over a longer period of time so I don't end up gorging myself during the holiday. So far it has worked great! The only down side is....I'm running out of room in my freezer! I have everything from Belgian chocolates, to peppermint bark, cakes, to cookies. Although, the other benefit to freezing all the goodies is that, if I am ever asked to bring a dessert to a family get-together (as I often am), I can just whip out some chocolates or cookies and be good to go! No cooking required.
At work, the teacher's lounge table is so covered in sweets, I can hardly eat my lunch there. But I'm happy to say I have resisted fairly well so far. If I want anything, I just take some home and pop it in the freezer for a later time. It is so tempting to want to eat it all (especially since I am a stress eater. So knowing I have all these goodies as I stress about family and the holidays doesn't help me any), but I keep chanting in my head, "Resist the temptation...do it for Pickle...keep your body healthy for Pickle..." But even with all my resisting to the treats on the table, one of the boys in my class gave me a Christmas gift today....a big box of fancy chocolates. I'm doomed.
So hopefully I can survive the holiday without adding on the pounds I just so recently lost. And as for my husband, once I am pregnant and hormonal, he'll have plenty of chocolates in the house to keep me at bay.
These snozberries taste like Pickles!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Day 125...Christmas already?
It's hard to believe that Christmas is next week! It doesn't feel like it at all! Sometimes I wish I could still get excited about the magic of Christmas and Santa like when I was a little girl. Now it just feels like another passing day. It's just so hard for me to get into the holiday spirit some years. It comes and goes.
The only thing that has so far made the holiday exciting has been the children's excitement about Christmas. All week they have been buzzing with talk about Santa and presents. Today, one of the boys in my class brought me and my lead each a present. Mine was a beautiful scarf! It's striped with green, pink, red, golden yellow, white, and black. It's wonderfully bohemian looking! I love it! The other fun thing was that I got to read the Polar Express to the class. All the kids were so excited to hear the story (now for the second time in our class since I read it yesterday too).
I'm hoping the holiday spirit will reach me before Christmas comes and goes. Once we do have Pickle, it'll be fun to see the holidays spark with the magic again as Pickle feels the excitement for Santa and Christmas family fun! Although...I guess I should enjoy this Christmas. It may be our last Christmas as just the two of us.
God bless us, every Pickle!
The only thing that has so far made the holiday exciting has been the children's excitement about Christmas. All week they have been buzzing with talk about Santa and presents. Today, one of the boys in my class brought me and my lead each a present. Mine was a beautiful scarf! It's striped with green, pink, red, golden yellow, white, and black. It's wonderfully bohemian looking! I love it! The other fun thing was that I got to read the Polar Express to the class. All the kids were so excited to hear the story (now for the second time in our class since I read it yesterday too).
I'm hoping the holiday spirit will reach me before Christmas comes and goes. Once we do have Pickle, it'll be fun to see the holidays spark with the magic again as Pickle feels the excitement for Santa and Christmas family fun! Although...I guess I should enjoy this Christmas. It may be our last Christmas as just the two of us.
God bless us, every Pickle!
Day 124...The heat is on!
So apparently since I've been off my birth control, my husband says he's noticed my libido spike up. I didn't notice much of a difference at first, but now when I think about it...well...let's just say we've kept plenty warm this holiday season. I've also noticed I've been cramping a bit this last week and I'm wondering if it's due to possible ovulation. Again, it's said that it can be hard to detect when a woman is ovulating just by physical feelings alone, so I can't really say if I have ovulated this month or not. Did you know a woman only ovulates for about 24-48 hours?! That's a crazy small window to get pregnant in! I guess it's good my libido is on the rise!
Making Pickle is going the be the most fun part of it all! ;)
Making Pickle is going the be the most fun part of it all! ;)
Monday, December 14, 2009
Day 123...What's up Doc?
Yesterday I was reading one of my pregnancy books when I read about the preparation for pregnancy. It said that the best thing a woman can do is get to a healthy pregnancy weight, give up alcohol and any drugs, and eat healthy. It also mentioned prenatal vitamins. According to the book, some women chose to start taking a prenatal vitamin as early as 2 to 3 months prior to getting pregnant. That way, their body is fully ready and nutritionally ready to conceive a baby. In addition to prenatal vitamins, it also recommended starting a folic acid supplement too.
Well luckily for me, I just got my medical plan set up at work just this month. So I am hoping to find a clinic nearby and set up an appointment to meet with a doctor. I want to ask about getting started on a prenatal vitamin as well as get my annual checkup just to be sure I am in good health and ready for baby-making.
Another thing I learned was that by about 8 weeks into the pregnancy, the baby's heartbeat can be detected. It use to be customary to announce your pregnancy after hearing the baby's heart beat at the end of the first trimester. But since doctors' equipment is so much more refined these days, they can pick up the heart beat nearly a month earlier. Once there is a heartbeat, the chances of a miscarriage decrease drastically. Since the body can sort out any pregnancy that won't take typically before the heartbeat stage, it's more of a sure thing once you hear that little heartbeat. So my husband and I have decided we will save the announcement of our baby until that 8 week marker when we hear Pickle's heartbeat....that will be a life changing moment for sure!
I am so excited to be getting that much closer to making Pickle!!! Who knows, maybe Santa will being me some prenatal vitamins this year to help me prepare my body for my baby!
Just a spoon full of Pickle helps the medicine go down...
Well luckily for me, I just got my medical plan set up at work just this month. So I am hoping to find a clinic nearby and set up an appointment to meet with a doctor. I want to ask about getting started on a prenatal vitamin as well as get my annual checkup just to be sure I am in good health and ready for baby-making.
Another thing I learned was that by about 8 weeks into the pregnancy, the baby's heartbeat can be detected. It use to be customary to announce your pregnancy after hearing the baby's heart beat at the end of the first trimester. But since doctors' equipment is so much more refined these days, they can pick up the heart beat nearly a month earlier. Once there is a heartbeat, the chances of a miscarriage decrease drastically. Since the body can sort out any pregnancy that won't take typically before the heartbeat stage, it's more of a sure thing once you hear that little heartbeat. So my husband and I have decided we will save the announcement of our baby until that 8 week marker when we hear Pickle's heartbeat....that will be a life changing moment for sure!
I am so excited to be getting that much closer to making Pickle!!! Who knows, maybe Santa will being me some prenatal vitamins this year to help me prepare my body for my baby!
Just a spoon full of Pickle helps the medicine go down...
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Day 122...Three months?!
I was reading through a pregnancy book I have and I was a little worried to read that, on average, it takes about three months of trying before a couple typically becomes pregnant! I really hope that isn't the case with us. Since we have a specific time frame we are aiming for, it would be hard to not have it go right. But...I suppose it's more about having the baby then when. But still...I really like the timing we have planned. The timing would be ideal for my work, for the holidays, and for other family birthdays. Anyway, I just hope we can conceive easily. We're doing all we can to help increase our odds (no alcohol or caffeine, eating healthy, watching my weight--which I've already lost about 7 pounds!!!--and managing our stress levels), but I suppose the rest is up to mother nature. I've also been off my birth control since Thanksgiving. So, hopefully that will be all out of my system come February when we're trying.
It's kinda odd...I thought I was going to feel a bigger difference after coming off of my birth control. I thought I might be more moody, or maybe breakout like a teenager again. But so far I haven't felt anything. I don't even know if I'm ovulating. How can I tell if I am?....Am I suppose to get really randy or something? Since I've been on birth control for so long, I have no idea how I'm suppose to recognize it. I did read, however, that I should learn to track my ovulation to increase chances of conception. It said something about monitoring the vaginal mucus and my body temperature. I just figured we'd have a lot of sex when it comes to February so we're bound to hit my ovulation time at some point. Maybe next month, I'll start to feel more of a difference since I'll have been detoxed of birth control for over a month at that point. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
And it's one, two, three strikes your out at the ol' Pickle game!
It's kinda odd...I thought I was going to feel a bigger difference after coming off of my birth control. I thought I might be more moody, or maybe breakout like a teenager again. But so far I haven't felt anything. I don't even know if I'm ovulating. How can I tell if I am?....Am I suppose to get really randy or something? Since I've been on birth control for so long, I have no idea how I'm suppose to recognize it. I did read, however, that I should learn to track my ovulation to increase chances of conception. It said something about monitoring the vaginal mucus and my body temperature. I just figured we'd have a lot of sex when it comes to February so we're bound to hit my ovulation time at some point. Maybe next month, I'll start to feel more of a difference since I'll have been detoxed of birth control for over a month at that point. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
And it's one, two, three strikes your out at the ol' Pickle game!
Day 121...Christmas party
Saturday was my company Christmas party. It was really fun to see everyone outside of work. They all seemed so much more relaxed and happy. The funny thing was, at one point we were talking to my boss's husband and he asked "so do you guys have any kids?" It was such a weird feeling to be asked that. So far, we have been asked when we'll be having kids or if we've even thought about it. But never have we been asked if we already had kids. We just smiled and said, "not yet." He then asked if we had any plan of having kids. My boss quickly looked at me with an obvious curiosity. I sometimes wonder if they are worried about me getting pregnant since my class has lost assistants before to pregnancy. Again we just casually smiled and said, "oh sometime later on we'll probably have kids."
Later my husband and I were giggling, thinking...if only they knew our little secret plan! In just a few months, if all goes right, we're going to be getting pregnant!
Secret Santa and the secret pregnancy plan.
Later my husband and I were giggling, thinking...if only they knew our little secret plan! In just a few months, if all goes right, we're going to be getting pregnant!
Secret Santa and the secret pregnancy plan.
Day 120...Stealing the lime light
I know it is incredibly selfish of me to say so, but...I am really worried my brother and his wife are going to have another baby the same time we're planning on having Pickle. They had their first baby last year, and they say they want to plan their second kid to be about two years apart from the first. So now they have been talking about trying for their second baby in the spring. But that's exactly when we're planning on trying for Pickle!!! The only thing is, we aren't announcing it to everyone until we are actually pregnant. But if they get pregnant before us, then our announcement will be lost in all the celebration of the other baby. Either way, it bugs me that I will more than likely be pregnant the same time as my sister -in-law. Nothing would agitate me more than always being compared to her, having to share every baby moment like some sickeningly fake sentimental feminine bonding experience! Bleh! I can just see it; we try to go visit my parents and instead, I'm being made to pose in pictures with my sister-in-law with our pregnant bellies touching! No thank you!!!
I know I'm worrying over something that might not happen, but I can't help but feel a bit disgruntled by it all. I want my baby to have some of the fun and attention! I want my pregnancy to be celebrated on it's own and not as a runner up to my brother's second baby. But I have that sinking feeling that, at some point, they are going to be pregnant at the same time as us. Let the drama begin!
All the world's a stage and all the pregnant women are merely actors....sorry Pickle but the curtain falls on us for I fear the lime light is about to be stolen.
I know I'm worrying over something that might not happen, but I can't help but feel a bit disgruntled by it all. I want my baby to have some of the fun and attention! I want my pregnancy to be celebrated on it's own and not as a runner up to my brother's second baby. But I have that sinking feeling that, at some point, they are going to be pregnant at the same time as us. Let the drama begin!
All the world's a stage and all the pregnant women are merely actors....sorry Pickle but the curtain falls on us for I fear the lime light is about to be stolen.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Day 119...Frozen
I am freezing!!! Holy crap it has been cold lately! This morning I had to stand outside for receival at work for a half hour, and by the time we were finished, my feet were so cold they hurt! The funny thing was, after being out in the cold, I came in and one of the girls in my class came up to me with a paper snowflake she had made for me. Yay...snow....that'll warm me up! lol. Actually it was really sweet.
It's funny though to see all the kids bundled up in all their winter clothes, so stiff they can hardly bend. I couldn't help but daydream a little about bundling up our little Pickle! It'll be so cute to watch them play out in the snow, and then come in for some hot cocoa!
Also, in the toddler room today, I heard some great instrumental music playing in there that I would love to get a copy of! It is perfect for babies and toddlers. Just soft beautiful music.....I am giddy thinking about the fact that I am already getting music for Pickle! As soon as I am pregnant, I am going to play music to my tummy every day! I know they won't be able to hear it right away, but I don't care. I'm going to play it anyway!
Pickle it's cold outside!
It's funny though to see all the kids bundled up in all their winter clothes, so stiff they can hardly bend. I couldn't help but daydream a little about bundling up our little Pickle! It'll be so cute to watch them play out in the snow, and then come in for some hot cocoa!
Also, in the toddler room today, I heard some great instrumental music playing in there that I would love to get a copy of! It is perfect for babies and toddlers. Just soft beautiful music.....I am giddy thinking about the fact that I am already getting music for Pickle! As soon as I am pregnant, I am going to play music to my tummy every day! I know they won't be able to hear it right away, but I don't care. I'm going to play it anyway!
Pickle it's cold outside!
Day 118...Hooky
Yesterday my husband and I both played hooky! Well...I did actually wake up with a bit of a soar throat, but I milked it a little to get the day off from work. We both just desperately need a day off from work to just be together and do whatever the hell we wanted to do. Our weekends are too often filled up with obligations that we hardly get the chance to just relax together. So we spent a wonderful day watching movies, baking cookies, and playing games. It was wonderful. There isn't much else to say about that other than, more couples really aught to spend a day being spontaneous and play hooky together. We only do it maybe once or twice a year, but it is always well worth it! What's a relationship without a little fun in it? :)
Pickle's parents and their fake fevers.
Pickle's parents and their fake fevers.
Day 117...Left behind
Tuesday kinda sucked. Well...actually, the majority of the day went really well. The one thing that really threw off my entire day was the big embarrassing mistake I made! I left a child out on the playground!!! You see, when it's time to go in from the playground, all the teachers clap their hands and the kids line up according to class. Each class has a teacher in front of the line, and one in the back of the line...except for my class of course. I get to round up all my rowdy kids all by myself!
Anyway, we clapped, and the kids lined up. The trouble was, one of the classes came out late to the playground (due to picture day) and so they got to stay later. So it confused a lot of our kids who were lining up. ("Why do we have to go inside while they get to stay and play?") I counted the number of my kids....nine...yup, we're all here! So I lead them inside. It was tricky since I had no teacher at the end of the line, so I continually had to try and manage it all from the front (trust me! It's easier said than done!).
At long last we made it into the shoe room where the kids could hang up their coats. When one of the playground teachers came walking in with one of our kids. "This one got left behind." She said. I couldn't believe it! I left a kid behind on the playground?!? I felt so embarrassed and worried. Looking up at my lead, I could see her staring at me like I had committed a crime. My stomach sank.....damn!
Later, one of the big bosses came to hear what had happened. "I heard a kid from your class got left behind." I could feel my cheeks flush. Great! It had gotten back to the office! Are they going to keep me under a magnifying glass now? Am I going to be in trouble? A thousand thoughts and worries ran through my mind. I tried to explain myself, but it hardly seemed like I was being heard. So as soon as I got home, I cried my eyes out. I was so worried about how it was all perceived by my bosses, and I was horribly upset that they seemed to show me little respect when they haphazardly listened to my explanation.
I couldn't help but also think to myself, "God help me when I'm a mom! Am I going to leave my child somewhere and forget them?!?!" I felt like an epic failure. But luckily my husband brought me back to reality from swimming amongst all my 'what-ifs' and was able to counteract my irrational thoughts.
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind worries of Pickle is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.
Anyway, we clapped, and the kids lined up. The trouble was, one of the classes came out late to the playground (due to picture day) and so they got to stay later. So it confused a lot of our kids who were lining up. ("Why do we have to go inside while they get to stay and play?") I counted the number of my kids....nine...yup, we're all here! So I lead them inside. It was tricky since I had no teacher at the end of the line, so I continually had to try and manage it all from the front (trust me! It's easier said than done!).
At long last we made it into the shoe room where the kids could hang up their coats. When one of the playground teachers came walking in with one of our kids. "This one got left behind." She said. I couldn't believe it! I left a kid behind on the playground?!? I felt so embarrassed and worried. Looking up at my lead, I could see her staring at me like I had committed a crime. My stomach sank.....damn!
Later, one of the big bosses came to hear what had happened. "I heard a kid from your class got left behind." I could feel my cheeks flush. Great! It had gotten back to the office! Are they going to keep me under a magnifying glass now? Am I going to be in trouble? A thousand thoughts and worries ran through my mind. I tried to explain myself, but it hardly seemed like I was being heard. So as soon as I got home, I cried my eyes out. I was so worried about how it was all perceived by my bosses, and I was horribly upset that they seemed to show me little respect when they haphazardly listened to my explanation.
I couldn't help but also think to myself, "God help me when I'm a mom! Am I going to leave my child somewhere and forget them?!?!" I felt like an epic failure. But luckily my husband brought me back to reality from swimming amongst all my 'what-ifs' and was able to counteract my irrational thoughts.
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind worries of Pickle is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Day 116...Weeping Buddha
A long, long time ago there were two warriors who confronted each other in numerous battles. Both of them wore masks and never saw each other's face. After many such encounters, one finally prevailed and the younger warrior was killed. Upon removing his opponents mask the older warrior discovered he had killed his own long lost son. He placed his head in his lap and filled with sorrow, the brave old warrior started to cry.
It is said that "the weeping Buddha" is a wood carved statue of the older warrior.
On the other hand, it is also said that the weeping Buddha was created for young wood carvers. So they could begin their apprenticeship by learning to carve the weeping buddha, and master the curves of the human body before learning the more delicate features of the face.
Others refer to the meditative posture of the weeping Buddha which, in many cultures, is believed to open and activate the third eye. It is supposed to be a very centering and peaceful posture, if you are a flexible person.
But the most beautiful story of them all: the Buddha is weeping for the troubles of the world, absorbing the common grief. The weeping Buddha cries so no one else has to.
My husband and I got one of these carvings this weekend. Today, when feeling emotionally strained, my husband placed the weeping Buddha in my hand. He looked so sad that my troubles seemed so small, and obsolete. For the majority of the day I struggled with feeling everything and nothing all at once. With so many thoughts and emotions running through my head I found myself playing the role of the observer more than anything else; hardly feeling any of the emotions I knew were there. I wasn't happy or sad; just there.
I'm so excited to have Pickle, and yet in some respect, I feel silly for being so excited this early. I know it is a big deal and that it is perfectly fine for me to be excited, but at the same time I am stuck just doing research. I'm so anxious to feel and experience all that there is in pregnancy but I am stuck playing the waiting game. So in turn, I feel both happy and sad all at once.
Perhaps my Weeping Buddha can ease my mind about my feelings.
Namaste. Pickle.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Day 115...I can haz 50 million swimmerz?
Daddy day! Woo!
My wife and I have gone a little over a full month without alcohol and caffeine, because we knew those could be potentially harmful to the baby making process. We knew the effects on the egg and a growing baby, but we didn't know how the sperm would be affected.
Well, from using the limited resources online about male fertility--let's face it, google and pregnancy show up only womanly topics--I found only one real site that said anything about really cutting back on caffeine and alcohol months in advance. However, one interesting fact I found was that sperm takes 3 months to fully mature.
The main effect of alcohol, I found was that it represses the numbers of swimmers, and/or deforms them. Sperm can be deformed in a variety of ways: elongated heads, multiple heads, no tails, multiple tails, bumps (I forget the term) on the head and tail. All of these make it harder for the sperm to swim, thus harder to get pregnant.
There is also another side-effect of having alcohol, is that it reduces levels of zinc in the body. Zinc is one of the major components of the sperm's coating that protects it. Lower zinc, means lower longevity in a harmful environment (a.k.a the vagoo).
I couldn't actually find anything about caffeine. Time to hit the books about both of these things.
So, potentially, alcohol and caffeine could find a way to influence sperm development, but the alcohol studies I read were mostly about heavy daily drinking versus one drink in a month.
If you really want to cover your bases, you should probably avoid both. It really isn't that bad! Beyond the pounding headache I had for the first three days of no caffeine (Redbull is my good friend), finding substitutes are easy. For example, caffeine free coke makes it seem like the holidays without the effects on the swimmers. And after a while, Sprite is an adequate substitute. As for alcohol, a lot of the time a glass of wine or a dry martini up with olives top shelf....still makes me drool....but this is my part of being in this partnership and this goal. So, think about you, your woman, and your future baby. It is easy to go without.
She can't take much more of this sort of pounding, Captain Pickle!
My wife and I have gone a little over a full month without alcohol and caffeine, because we knew those could be potentially harmful to the baby making process. We knew the effects on the egg and a growing baby, but we didn't know how the sperm would be affected.
Well, from using the limited resources online about male fertility--let's face it, google and pregnancy show up only womanly topics--I found only one real site that said anything about really cutting back on caffeine and alcohol months in advance. However, one interesting fact I found was that sperm takes 3 months to fully mature.
The main effect of alcohol, I found was that it represses the numbers of swimmers, and/or deforms them. Sperm can be deformed in a variety of ways: elongated heads, multiple heads, no tails, multiple tails, bumps (I forget the term) on the head and tail. All of these make it harder for the sperm to swim, thus harder to get pregnant.
There is also another side-effect of having alcohol, is that it reduces levels of zinc in the body. Zinc is one of the major components of the sperm's coating that protects it. Lower zinc, means lower longevity in a harmful environment (a.k.a the vagoo).
I couldn't actually find anything about caffeine. Time to hit the books about both of these things.
So, potentially, alcohol and caffeine could find a way to influence sperm development, but the alcohol studies I read were mostly about heavy daily drinking versus one drink in a month.
If you really want to cover your bases, you should probably avoid both. It really isn't that bad! Beyond the pounding headache I had for the first three days of no caffeine (Redbull is my good friend), finding substitutes are easy. For example, caffeine free coke makes it seem like the holidays without the effects on the swimmers. And after a while, Sprite is an adequate substitute. As for alcohol, a lot of the time a glass of wine or a dry martini up with olives top shelf....still makes me drool....but this is my part of being in this partnership and this goal. So, think about you, your woman, and your future baby. It is easy to go without.
She can't take much more of this sort of pounding, Captain Pickle!
Day 114...They can do what inside me?!?
My husband and I were watching "Baby Mama" and the scene came up where the water broke. It got me wondering, "what really happens when your water breaks and when does it happen?" So, I did some research and found out some interesting things.
First of all, only 10% of pregnant women have their water break before going into labor. In some cases it is really dramatic and others times it can be just a little trickle. The really interesting thing is that the amniotic fluid can be one of four colors: clear, pink, brown, or green! Apparently, it can be brown or green because the baby could have had an early bowel movement while inside of you! How gross is that? A baby....POOPING....inside of you?! I also found out that the majority of amniotic fluid is actually urine from the baby. Again, gross!
Your water breaking can happen either before or after labor starts, but either way it is a sure sign that your baby is on its way! There are some cases where your water can break early in pregnancy and the doctor's need to determine whether or not to postpone or induce labor depending on the specific case.
Gross! Pickle poo in mah tummah!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Day 113...Roller-coaster
This blog my seem a little TMI for some but hey...it's all part of logging my experiences with preparing for Pickle.
Last night my husband and I had sex for the first time without me being on my birth-control. We used condoms of course since we're not trying yet. But still...I was actually quite nervous. It hit me...I'm not on my birth-control anymore!....We're gonna be trying for a baby soon! My emotions suddenly exploded all over the place. I even had some difficulty trying to get into the mood and moment without my mind racing. I mean...I was in the mood for sure! It was just hard to get out of all the thoughts clouding my mind. I kept thinking "my God! I'm not on birth-control anymore! We're going to have a baby! My whole body is going to change! Am I ready? We're going to be responsible for a life! Will our baby be close to me, or will they feel distant? Will they feel that bond with me? Am I going to be a good mom? Will my husband and I ever have time to be romantic and silly together anymore after we have Pickle? Holy crap we're going to be pregnant soon!"
Mixed in with all the never ending questions was also excitement. It was the kind of scary but exhilarating rush you can get from riding a roller-coaster. In some ways, it almost seems easier for those who "accidentally" get pregnant. They don't have to deal with all the anticipation and worry. They just have to deal with a sudden coping of their sudden pregnancy. But for us, we are actually planning and preparing for a baby. We're knowingly going to be trying for a baby! So if anything goes wrong, or we get overwhelmed with our new pregnancy, it's all on our heads for choosing it!
After we finished doing...ahem...I laid in my husband's arms with wide eyes as wave after wave of emotions and thoughts flooded my mind. It took me awhile to get to bed.
Today however, after having time to process everything after that first big step, (keep in mind, it is huge for me to be having sex without birth-control! This is my very first time not having that backup contraceptive floating around in my system. My husband and I have always been very diligent about using protection.) the feeling of excitement started to outweigh my shaking nerves. As I thought more and more about it, my confidence grew stronger. After digesting it all, I am feeling quite excited about having a baby! Don't get me wrong, I was excited all along and never doubted whether I want to go through with it. I know 100% that I do! It's just a huge decision that I do not take lightly. I am nervous, but extremely excited!
"You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."--Parenthood.
I'm ready for ya Pickle! I'm ready to raise you, ready to care for you, ready to love you.
Last night my husband and I had sex for the first time without me being on my birth-control. We used condoms of course since we're not trying yet. But still...I was actually quite nervous. It hit me...I'm not on my birth-control anymore!....We're gonna be trying for a baby soon! My emotions suddenly exploded all over the place. I even had some difficulty trying to get into the mood and moment without my mind racing. I mean...I was in the mood for sure! It was just hard to get out of all the thoughts clouding my mind. I kept thinking "my God! I'm not on birth-control anymore! We're going to have a baby! My whole body is going to change! Am I ready? We're going to be responsible for a life! Will our baby be close to me, or will they feel distant? Will they feel that bond with me? Am I going to be a good mom? Will my husband and I ever have time to be romantic and silly together anymore after we have Pickle? Holy crap we're going to be pregnant soon!"
Mixed in with all the never ending questions was also excitement. It was the kind of scary but exhilarating rush you can get from riding a roller-coaster. In some ways, it almost seems easier for those who "accidentally" get pregnant. They don't have to deal with all the anticipation and worry. They just have to deal with a sudden coping of their sudden pregnancy. But for us, we are actually planning and preparing for a baby. We're knowingly going to be trying for a baby! So if anything goes wrong, or we get overwhelmed with our new pregnancy, it's all on our heads for choosing it!
After we finished doing...ahem...I laid in my husband's arms with wide eyes as wave after wave of emotions and thoughts flooded my mind. It took me awhile to get to bed.
Today however, after having time to process everything after that first big step, (keep in mind, it is huge for me to be having sex without birth-control! This is my very first time not having that backup contraceptive floating around in my system. My husband and I have always been very diligent about using protection.) the feeling of excitement started to outweigh my shaking nerves. As I thought more and more about it, my confidence grew stronger. After digesting it all, I am feeling quite excited about having a baby! Don't get me wrong, I was excited all along and never doubted whether I want to go through with it. I know 100% that I do! It's just a huge decision that I do not take lightly. I am nervous, but extremely excited!
"You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."--Parenthood.
I'm ready for ya Pickle! I'm ready to raise you, ready to care for you, ready to love you.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Day 112...Friday Eve
Today went a lot better. I felt a lot more positive. Remember the stress management book I told you about yesterday? Well I found the perfect chapter for myself today. The chapter was all about worry and anxiety. It has a lot of great insight and tips that have already been helpful. I know it'll take practice to really master it, but it's promising. I especially like the section about refuting irrational ideas, especially since I often dwell on all the 'what-ifs.' (What if we can't conceive!?!)
Anyway, aside from the more positive day, my lead told me today how she is planning on leaving the early education classes in about two years to work with the elementary kids at our school. She then assured me not to worry because she was still going to be there all next year. A twinge of guilt hit me. My lead will be there next year...but I won't! If all goes according to plan, I'll be home next year with my new born baby. She, of course, has no idea at this point since we aren't telling anyone until we are actually pregnant. I hope she won't be too disappointed, knowing that she has lost assistants before to pregnancy. But I'm sure she'll cope, as will I if I return the year after. It's just kinda sad to think this will be the only time we'll probably be working together as a team.
I'm still glad we chose not to tell everyone our baby-making plans though. My husband and I were just talking about how we know some family members might try to talk us out of it, or bombard us with advice. Considering everything, it would just make things easier to keep it to ourselves until we see that little plus sign. For now, it's our fun secret!
What if everything goes according to plan and we have Pickle just like we've planned?....
Anyway, aside from the more positive day, my lead told me today how she is planning on leaving the early education classes in about two years to work with the elementary kids at our school. She then assured me not to worry because she was still going to be there all next year. A twinge of guilt hit me. My lead will be there next year...but I won't! If all goes according to plan, I'll be home next year with my new born baby. She, of course, has no idea at this point since we aren't telling anyone until we are actually pregnant. I hope she won't be too disappointed, knowing that she has lost assistants before to pregnancy. But I'm sure she'll cope, as will I if I return the year after. It's just kinda sad to think this will be the only time we'll probably be working together as a team.
I'm still glad we chose not to tell everyone our baby-making plans though. My husband and I were just talking about how we know some family members might try to talk us out of it, or bombard us with advice. Considering everything, it would just make things easier to keep it to ourselves until we see that little plus sign. For now, it's our fun secret!
What if everything goes according to plan and we have Pickle just like we've planned?....
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Day 111...No such luck
I tried to read this book I have for relaxation and stress management. But as I started to read it this morning, everyone at work kept rushing in and out of the break room, talking loudly on their cell phones, complaining about whatever, and all in all it made me more stressed and anxious than before.
When I came home, I tried to relax by running a nice hot bath for myself, lighting candles and grabbing a good book to read. But we apparently didn't have a lot of hot water, because the bath was only lukewarm, and when I tried to add more hot water, it ran cold!
So I tried yet again to relax by sitting down at my computer to do some typing and reading, and instead my computer decided to have issues! It tensed out my husband, and in turn tensed me out.
Now, after starting off my day attempting to manage my stress and relax a little, I'm ending it feeling more tense than to begin with! My shoulders are hurting from all the tension, I'm cold (thanks to a cold bath and a cold apartment), and now I can't have the evening that I really wanted! How in the hell am I suppose to learn how to manage my stress by the time I'm pregnant with Pickle?!
Sometimes life seems to have this great way of kicking the downtrodden square in the face. My hopes of stress relief have been Pickled.
When I came home, I tried to relax by running a nice hot bath for myself, lighting candles and grabbing a good book to read. But we apparently didn't have a lot of hot water, because the bath was only lukewarm, and when I tried to add more hot water, it ran cold!
So I tried yet again to relax by sitting down at my computer to do some typing and reading, and instead my computer decided to have issues! It tensed out my husband, and in turn tensed me out.
Now, after starting off my day attempting to manage my stress and relax a little, I'm ending it feeling more tense than to begin with! My shoulders are hurting from all the tension, I'm cold (thanks to a cold bath and a cold apartment), and now I can't have the evening that I really wanted! How in the hell am I suppose to learn how to manage my stress by the time I'm pregnant with Pickle?!
Sometimes life seems to have this great way of kicking the downtrodden square in the face. My hopes of stress relief have been Pickled.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Day 110...Stress management
Yesterday I posed the question "what can a pregnant woman do to manage her stress?" Today I found an interesting article answering that very question. I would like to do further research on the subject, because I am sure there is lots of valuable tips and suggestions out there. But for now, here is the article that I found:
There is certainly a lot more out there as far as tips for managing stress. But all in all, I suppose the tricks for managing stress are the same for everyone, pregnant and non pregnant alike. I think there is just more emphasis on pregnant women because the stress now affects themselves as well as the new life they are growing inside them. So once I am pregnant with Pickle, it will be twice as important that I learn to relax...for both our sakes!
So I will have to continue my search for more ways of managing stress when pregnant, and I'll keep you posted.
"Pregnancy in and of itself is a stressor. The changes one's body undergoes, the impending life changes, and potential concerns over the health of mother and baby can be very large and very real worries. However, experts tell us that too much stress can actually become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Excessive stress in pregnancy can lead to potential problems with the pregnancy.
Some studies are suggestive that stress in pregnancy can cause certain hormonal changes that can impede the growth of the baby or bring on preterm labor. This might mean a low birth weight baby born at term, or worse a preterm birth for some women. These studies point out that are many factors at play, including socio-economic factors, health risks like smoking during pregnancy and others, but stress is definitely a factor. One study even talked about women who rated their job stress as high having a higher miscarriage rate than others.
Taking control over what we can, like a proper diet, plenty of rest, exercise, and proper health habits we can help combat stress-related problems.
Here's how the folks at Arnot Ogden Medical Center reflect on stress: "Stress is like body temperature: if it's too low or too high, you can't survive, but the right balance can keep you going strong. It makes sense to use stress energy positively, to meet life's challenges, experiences, and goals. Stress is not all bad. In fact, positive stress can make life both rich and satisfying."
Just Relax
Your first reaction is probably one of tension when someone says to you, "Just relax!" And understandably so. Even when someone is trying to be well-meaning the thought that one can simply "relax" is preposterous. Relaxation takes skill, thought and a lot of practice.
There is wisdom behind the sentiment. If you are willing to take the time to practice, relaxation will come to you and thus help reduce your stress levels. Relaxation can be practiced alone or with a partner. Here are some different forms of relaxation to help not only with pregnancy and labor but life as well.
Tense/Release Relaxation
This is simply an exercise to allow you and your partner to see and feel the difference between relaxed muscles and tense muscles. The body observation is very important and will become second nature the more you practice, even doing other techniques.
Start by getting in a comfortable position, where your partner can see the majority of your body. Use pillows to get comfortable and prevent unwanted tension. Start by having your partner tell you to tense a particular part of the body and then feel that part of the body for the feeling of tension.
Then the partner will say, "Relax." Try to say this in a very soothing voice. Now feel the difference in the relaxed muscle.
Go through each muscle group at least once, and preferably in order from head to toe or toe to head. Once you've finished spot check for areas that you know are prone to tension, the shoulders, the neck, the brow, the jaw, whatever is the place your partner hides tension the most.
Once you've worked through this exercise just lie still and focus on the in and out of your breath and make note of how your body feels when it is completely relaxed.
Progressive Relaxation
This technique simply starts with a relaxed position and you will have your partner slowly go through the muscles groups, like in the tense/release relaxation, and consciously relax each part of the body.
Using a soothing voice as you instruct her to relax each part, you can also incorporate touch into this technique. As you remember the feel of the relaxed muscle and the tense one, gently touch or stroke the area of the body that you are trying to get her to relax.
Once you've gone through all the parts of the body, start over and go through them again. Have her focus on releasing any residual tension. Reinforce her efforts with praise and encouragement. And ask for feedback.
If you are wanting to try this relaxation alone, it is definitely a good one to try! Simply do self talk either aloud, on tape or in your mind as you work through different areas of the body.
By trying to control the factors you can influence and practicing stress reducing relaxation techniques, one can significantly lower their stress levels."--http://pregnancy.about.comThere is certainly a lot more out there as far as tips for managing stress. But all in all, I suppose the tricks for managing stress are the same for everyone, pregnant and non pregnant alike. I think there is just more emphasis on pregnant women because the stress now affects themselves as well as the new life they are growing inside them. So once I am pregnant with Pickle, it will be twice as important that I learn to relax...for both our sakes!
So I will have to continue my search for more ways of managing stress when pregnant, and I'll keep you posted.
Relax don't do it
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When Pickle comes
When you want to go to it
Relax don't do it
When Pickle comes
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