I learned today that, it drives me crazy when I am completely ignored when trying to talk to a child!!! It's got to be the oldest trick in the book for keeping the power in your hands, just completely ignoring the person trying to talk to you. And yet, even in light of knowing these children are still learning what is socially acceptable, (like...oh...I don't know....LISTENING AND LOOKING AT THE PERSON WHO IS TALKING TO YOU!!!) it is really hard for me not to take it personally and allow it to drive me mad. I tried so hard to get through to this one boy today who was being particularly defiant, but his only response was to continually shrug me off. When the lead teacher called him out on it and demanded he treat me with the same respect as her (the main teacher) he just shrugged again and said "she's NOT my teacher." I understood that he was angry and that I am a new person in his life so my authority may seem questionable, but his words hurt. I have been trying so hard to fit in and learn at this job. To be dismissed as a nobody...suddenly all my efforts seemed to be for nothing. I'm not making a difference or even getting through to these kids. As far as they're concerned, I'm just another grown-up telling them what to do. I see how warmly all the other children respond to all the other teachers who have been there for awhile and I can only hope things will turn that way for me. But in the mean time, I can't help but see myself as the outcast...someone who just showed up and pretended like she knew everything. I know I haven't really acted that way and that I shouldn't let a few kids shake my confidence so easily, but it's hard when I am working in a realm that I am completely unfamiliar with. What ever happened to having motherly instincts about these sort of things? If I am going to let these kids get to me so much, will I really be able to handle having a kid of my own who will be there 24/7 who will come to know all my personal flaws? How will I handle it when they use that against me? I can't just break down every time they push my buttons.
I have a feeling this job will cause me to question my parenting skills more than I would like. But still I know that things will be a little different when I am dealing with my OWN child and not within the parameters of a daycare. There are some disciplinary acts that I am just not at liberty to give when working with another person's child, which can sometimes make things more challenging and inventive when trying to deal with a particularly troublesome child. I guess all I can do is try my best and hope it is enough.
It isn't easy feeling like I am not succeeding with some of the children at MCH. I took this job with Pickle in mind. When I fail with these kids, I can't help but feel like I am setting up for failure with Pickle. But perhaps that's why I am taking things to heart more so than I should. These children are NOT my Pickle. This experience will help me to prepare and plan for Pickle, but I have to remember that the situations here at MCH will not be the exact same as the experiences with Pickle.
Talk to the hand...the Pickle ain't listening!
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