Thursday, August 20, 2009

Day 7...a seed of doubt

I didn't really do any research today about babies or parenting. In fact, in all true confessions, I spent the day doing chores around the house, arguing with my husband, and stress eating. Well...so far my stress eating has consisted of inhaling a s'more I made with a stale gram cracker. Bleh! S'mores always sound so good, but in the end, they just taste way too sweet! But I intend on making something deliciously cheesy and unhealthy for dinner. Anyway, with the tension held between my husband and I today (for reasons I'd rather not publish), I find myself asking: how do couples survive the stress of a baby without driving each other away? I know everyone focuses on the sweet, cute, cuddly aspects of babies and how they are "a product of our love," but honestly! When they aren't posing for this year's Christmas family photo, they are crying, pooping, fussing, demanding, crying, drooling, oozing, eating, crying...it's enough to run a couple ragged! So when stress is high and they are both physically and mentally exhausted, how does a couple stay happy and close when they are trying to raise a baby?

When stress is constant, it's easy to turn to one another as an outlet for frustrations. When my husband and I have Pickle, are we going to be overwhelmed with the stress and just bicker at each other? Is Pickle going to pick up on the negativity in the tone of our voices? How will that affect him/her? Is there any chance of being happy in the midst of so much change in our lives once Pickle arrives? Will we even get a moment to be romantic? Or will romance die with parenthood?

I am so eager to have Pickle and experience every moment we'll have as a family. But on days like today, where tension is high, I can't help but question my strength and ability to handle it all. Those Hallmark moments are far and few in between all the day to day stresses. If I can't even manage to resolve an argument with my husband at the moment...how in the hell am I going to raise a baby without it just tearing us apart? Aren't I suppose to have some motherly instinct that allows me to be the neutral, nurturing, calm, level headed mom? I don't want Pickle to come from all this vinegar...so what do I do?

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