Well, I'm happy to say that, shortly after my last post, my husband and I were able to work things out quite smoothly. But it got me to thinking of the questions I posed yesterday: how does a couple manage their relationship conflict when you have the added stress of a newborn baby? And how does a couple keep the romance alive during and after pregnancy?
From what I read and researched, the number one thing to remember is: you were a couple before having a baby, so it is important to take care of that relationship in order to keep your family happy and strong. Here are a few tips and things to consider when juggling a relationship and a newborn baby:
-Plan a date night without the baby at least once a month. Go to a favorite restaurant, see a movie or just stay in and cuddle.
-Flirt with each other. Send sweet e-mails, text messages or kiss passionately before leaving for work. Or when you're up late at night for a midnight feeding with the baby, maybe write out little loving messages on some sticky notes and place them around the house for your spouse to find in the morning.
-Communicate with each other. Expressing clearly what you want and need with your spouse. You will save yourself a load of conflict by just communicating regularly and clearly.
-Say, "I love you" on a regular basis. Those three little words can mean a lot when stress levels are high. Even in the middle of an argument, it doesn’t hurt to remind your spouse that you love them even though you’re upset at the moment. It’s not easy when you’re angry, but it can help a lot.
-Find time for sex. It could be a quickie during baby's nap or an hour of making love after baby is down for the night--or at least before they get up for a midnight feeding. This may require a late night every now and then, but it's worth it.
-Consider that dads can sometimes feel neglected and left out when he sees how much time and energy the mom puts in towards the baby which can cause a demand for more attention from the mom. Find ways to involve the dad so that he can get quality time with both the mom and the baby.
-Women often struggle with feeling unattractive and tired both during and after pregnancy. After all the physical changes the pregnancy has on the new mom, it's hard to feel sexy. The spouse can help by making an extra effort to compliment her regularly and reminder her of the sexy woman she is under that "mommy" exterior. Women, you too can boost your confidence by taking a little time to appreciate your body. Maybe buy yourself a sexy new nightie--though outer beauty is not the secret to true confidence, sometimes dressing sexy can inspire a little more confidence in your appearance. Have fun with it!
-Sometimes couples need to discuss how to reintroduce sex into the relationship again after giving birth. Use it as a time to flirt and date as if it’s a new relationship again.
The bottom line is: if you support each other and take the time to communicate and appreciate each other, you can work your way through your first steps as new parents. There will be times where you will fight, and sometimes stress will get the best of you. But be forgiving of those moments and remember the loving couple you are beneath the piles of diapers, toys, and cottage cheese covered burp rags. Help remind each other of the great individuals you are and the loving couple you are in order to be the strong parents you want to be. It's okay to help each other out with opening the Pickle jar.
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