Day 68...I am a seed

Today was another long day. The morning started out great at work, but come the evening it was quite frustrating yet again. I keep holding on to the hope that something will change and make things easier, but that doesn't seem to be happening. Sometimes I have wonderful sweet moments with the children where they are smiling and hugging me. But other times I wonder if God made them so cute just to keep people from killing them.

When times have gotten bad at work, I keep asking myself "why didn't I go into publishing? Why did I have to choose a job in early childhood education?!" But then I think of Pickle. Pickle is my motivation to stay. There are many valuable skills I can learn from this job that can apply to my future baby. What better time to learn how to handle children in all forms and all situations then now before I have a baby of my own? Sometimes the children I work with can absolutely scare the idea of having children right out of me. But I figure, if I can learn to handle 10 fussy children, one will be no problem. Granted, it will be my own baby, so when Pickle gets fussy and is there 24-7, it will weigh on me pretty heavily. But either way, Pickle is my motivation to stay and wade through the madness that is my job.

On a fun note, I wrote a children's song called "I am a seed" that our class will perform at the harvest fest this Halloween. When I first came up with it, it was just a quick way to get the kids to settle down during circle time. But today my lead asked if I could type it up and let them sing it for the festival. It's funny how I keep finding myself on a stage no matter where I go in life! I guess music will always be a leading factor in my direction.

I heard there was a secret cord that Pickle played and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music do you?

Day 67...1 year anniversary

Today is our 1 year wedding anniversary! So guess what I'm doing tonight....;)

Good thing Pickles don't have ears.

Day 66...Sunday Oct. 18th

Sunday was a busy day, but a good busy. My husband and I got all our grocery shopping done and I was able to pre-bake a bunch of meals for the month. So now our freezer is stocked full of meals ready to go so I don't have to worry about doing any major cooking after work! I just pop a meal in the oven and it's done!

This was a much needed weekend and it was glorious! I was able to sleep in, get things done around the house, enjoy my husband, and more!

Meals on the go for the prospecting parents of Pickle.

Day 65...Saturday Oct. 17th

Saturday was a dream! I woke up early and made a cozy fire, I made some bread pudding for breakfast, and I cleaned up the house a little bit before my husband woke up. When he woke up, we cuddled up on the couch and enjoyed our breakfast together while watching some shows. We stayed cuddled up on the couch all morning! It was glorious!

Later that day we went to a nearby mall and did some window shopping while enjoying a nice walk around the stores. For a brief moment outside, we were caught in a downpour. The rain smelt sweet as it ran off the many colorful fall leaves surrounding the mall. It was nearly old fashioned romantic...caught kissing in the rain.

Dinner that evening was heaven! We had dinner at the top of the Seattle Space Needle. It was extremely romantic and absolutely delicious! I'm at a loss for words to describe the beauty of the evening. The only thing I can say is that I couldn't have asked for a better anniversary dinner with my husband.

I take thee for better or worse, for richer or poorer, before and after Pickle, in sickness and in health, in life and beyond....I do!

Day 64...worries and stress

Worries and stress...two old familiar weights that I oh too willingly carry around on my shoulders. In fact, it often seems like I go looking for them!

Today was not an easy day. I woke up with more congestion then I had last night, and I had a pretty bad cough attack while I was at work that really did a number on my throat. It was also quite the challenge trying to deal with the class today. My lead was out today so we had a sub lead teacher. It was the same wonderful woman we had sub in our class before. Only, today didn't go as graceful as the last time. A huge handful of our class was buzzing with energy today that blocked every attempt to connect with the kids. The morning was a hopeless attempt to redirect, redirect, redirect. We were able to hook a few students with some works, but all in all, it was really hard to encourage focus for the day. The other complication was that it was dumping outside so our daily trip to the playground was canceled, dashing any hopes we had of our students running off their energy.

In the end, the day was at least somewhat manageable, but it really illustrated how much a change of staff and routine can completely throw off the class if even for just one day.

On the same lines of staff changes, one of the employees was let go due to a lack of enrollment in our school. Suddenly worries have flooded my mind! What if I had to be let go due to budget cuts? Could they let me go? Is my position very stable? Could all of my absents from illness mark me as unreliable and therefore replaceable? It's making me question all the days I have stayed home ill! But even then, we have had even more cases of illness crop up that make me feel all the more justified in watching out for my health and the health of others. What good would it do if I came in and got everyone else sick? And what good would it do me to keep challenging my immune system with the possible threat of swine flu floating around? I read an article today about swine flu...the numbers of infant and teen related deaths shakes me to the core. It is so horrible to think of, and it really does scare me. I could easily go on about the flu epidemic, but that would only cause me to worry and stress all the more. I just hope that my husband and I can stay safe and that, by the time we have Pickle, this wave of illness will have at least settled.

I don't want a Pickle pandemic.

Day 63...Three years

So I have finally caught up on my blogs! After nearly two weeks of make-up work, I am now back to a current blog post! And guess what? I'm sick again! No kidding! I went into work today and ended up going home at lunch time. My sinuses are blocked again and is now coupled with a dry cough. I just couldn't believe it when I woke up this morning. I had felt the symptoms coming on last night, but I had hoped it was just an allergic reaction to being around my parent's pets last night. But sure enough, I woke up with that oh too familiar feel of the dreaded acute viral rhino pharyngitis, also known as...dun dun dun...the common cold! I had every intention of working the full day today, but when they offered the chance for me to go home, I decided it was best. I am so sick of being sick, not to mention I'm still fighting off the remnants of my ear infection, so I figured I would try and medicate and rest early on so it wouldn't turn into a secondary illness like last time.

The other concern I have is that, we had our first confirmed case of swine flu happen at work this last week. With an already compromised immune system at the moment, I don't really want to further risk catching it. Maybe it's silly to worry about it, but either way, I took the opportunity to put my health first. I can't keep being stubborn about it, otherwise I'll never be healthy!

So here I am...sick...again. But on the plus side, tomorrow is Friday and it'll be a start to my first free weekend! I have no training to go to! I can actually sleep in! And on Saturday, my husband and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary of marriage! (Our actually anniversary is on Monday, but Mondays are never fun for dates.) My husband is taking me out to dinner at the Space Needle! I am so excited! Also, today is our three year anniversary of being a couple. It was this day three years ago that we had our first "date." Really we just walked around the college campus and cuddled up for a movie in the student lounge. But my husband so bravely put his arm around me that night and, well...look where it led! Three wonderful years together!

Happy three years my love!

Day 62...Wednesday Oct. 14th

Yaaaaaaaaay for meetings! The meeting with my lead and her mentor went beautifully! We sorted out a lot of issues and really bridged the growing gap in our communication. I left the meeting with a bounce in my step and even more hope for my class still!

That evening we made a trip to my parent's place to bum some wood for our fireplace. Since the weather has been particularly crappy and this weekend we wanted to have the chance to cuddle up to a nice hot fire, we asked if we could steal a bundle or two of wood. They had no problem, so we loaded up the trunk of our car and headed home.

But on the way home, my nose started to act up. I started to sneeze and feel horribly stuffed up. And by the end of the evening my throat was feeling sore. Somehow I had managed to catch yet another illness. Why didn't anyone ever warn me that working in early childhood could make you bedridden for months!

Sick again?! You've got to be joking! Since when did preparing for Pickle turn into testing my immune system's limits?!

Day 61...Tuesday Oct. 13th

Tuesday was a little frustrating. Although my new techniques were working great with the children in our class, I wasn't feeling very in sync with my lead teacher. It felt like everything I was achieving with the students was being undone at every turn. So when I came home that night, I wrote a couple of emails asking for some help. One was to my lead, the other was to my lead's mentor. Since the mentor still works at our school, I figured she would know best how to help bridge the gap of communication with my lead. Both of them agreed to meet the following day during our usual Wednesday staff meeting. So, although Tuesday ended a little bumpy, there was at least some hope of resolving the matter the following day.

Synchronized Pickles!

Day 60...Monday Oct. 12th

On Monday, I got the chance to test out the skills I learned in my training over the weekend. I was surprised at how well they worked! Not only did the most challenging of our students respond well to me, but the day ended with at least 5 of the kids dog-pile hugging me during story time! The children's response to my change of attitude and approach to their learning was overwhelmingly heart warming. I saw a wonderfully loving side to some of the kids that had been driving me crazy before. It gave me hope that I could really do this job well and still keep my sanity in tact. Each day, my interactions with the kids have improved. Although, it is by no means a miracle transformation. There still are plenty of frustrating moments during the day. But overall, with the shift of my perspective, things are going a lot better. I have hope for our class.

Practice makes Pickle!

Day 59...Sunday Oct. 11th

What happened on Sunday?.....Mostly we just ran errands, visited some family, and did some cleaning around the house. So there isn't much to say about Sunday. We did, however, go to Babies R Us to pick up a gift for a baby shower I am going to next weekend for a friend of mine. It was fun to look around the store and think of what we would like to get for Pickle. We talked about the theme of the room, and even looked at some of the cozy rocking chairs they had there (that were ridiculously over priced!). It was fun to daydream a little about Pickle and to think of the day we set up our gift registry for our baby shower. It'll be fun. In the mean time, it's a fun dream.

Window shopping for Pickle.

Day 58...Saturday Oct. 10

There isn't much to say about Saturday. I had the all day Montessori training, so once again my weekend was limited to just one day off. But the training was very useful. Again, I'll have to share the information another time, but there really was a lot of great tips in the training. The best thing is, all the information that I got and all the techniques I learned were not only applicable to the classroom but to parenting as well. We covered everything from potty training to reformatting "time-out." I learned so many valuable things that I think will help my classroom greatly, as well as help me be prepared for Pickle. And thankfully, it was the last day of training!! So again...more info to come (when I'm not feeling lazy or extremely tired)!

I am now Pickle certified!

Day 57...Friday Oct. 9th

Friday was a long day. My shift starts at 8am, plus I had training that evening from 5-8pm so I ended up essentially working a 12 hour day! However, knowing that I got to leave work early so I could make it on time for my training made the day feel that much better! Even though the training was still work oriented, it still offered a break from working directly with the kids.

The training was actually very useful. I learned a lot more about techniques I could use in my class, and more about the Montessori method itself. I'll have to pass on some of what I learned another time because it truly is valuable information for both teachers and parents, but...not tonight. For now it will be a "to be continued."

Unfortunately, my husband was home sick that day. After dealing with my horrible cold the whole past week, we didn't want to take any more chances. So when my husband woke up with blocked sinuses and a sore throat, he was staying home! The only plus side to him being home sick was that I had the car for that day so I was able to come home during my lunch break and visit with him. It was really refreshing to be home during the day, reminding me of life outside of work.

So all in all, Friday was long and busy, but not too bad.

24 hour Pickle.

Day 56...Thursday Oct. 8th

On Thursday my lead teacher was out sick. I was terrified with the thought of our class trying to cope with a substitute lead teacher, expecting the entire class to play out a chapter in Lord of the Flies. But much to my relief and surprise, the class was rather calm (well...as calm as they have been, which is still rather chaotic). I had the rare gift of watching an old Montessori pro come in and work her magic. She has been a lead teacher for over 20 years with experience way beyond any I had ever seen. When she stepped into that class, she had a grace to her and a presence that was both commanding and respectful all in one. And my God how I envied her patience! As I watched her go around the classroom, I couldn't help but be amazed at how calmly she handled even our most troublesome of students. By the end of the day, even our most ornery of students were giving her hugs! How in the world did she do that?! Desperately I watched every movement, listened to every word, hungrily wanting to learn her tricks. I was so jealous of her ability to walk into this classroom and immediately win them over and create a sweet calm to the class! Her trick...to smile, to walk calmly, never to jump at anything, never to shout across the room, there was never a negative tone in her voice, gentle guiding through questions and patience...she showed them all respect. Unlike how I have been acting, (shouting their names in frustration as they run around the room wrecking every one's work, jumping when I see conflict, looking stressed, correcting before I've made a connection...) she showed the children a form of mutual respect. And in return, she was given respect. It sounds so easy and simple, but the practice can be so challenging. When being surrounded by a dozen kids who all know how to push the right button, finding peace and patience is one of the hardest things to do! But clearly it's worth learning if I ever want to truly be able to create a peace in my class and with the connections to each child.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to my class and Pickle. I know...clever right? lol

Day 55...Wednesday Oct. 7th

As it turns out, keeping up on a blog while being hopped up on medication is hard! This whole past week has been a fog. The most frustrating thing is, after being on antibiotics the whole time, my ear is still plugged! It's driving me nuts! At least the pain is gone, but now it has been replaced with this horrible non-stop ringing in my ear!

Anyway, I'm off the medication now so I'm a little more clear headed to recap the past few days.

Wednesday was, for lack of a better word, uncomfortable. It was the first day back at work after being diagnosed with an ear infection and, since I didn't want to be too fuzzy headed, I decided to skip out on taking my pain pills that day. Well I learned something valuable that day: running after 17+ kids while your head is pounding with pain and your inner ear infection is throwing off your balance and making you dizzy every time you move...it sucks....it sucks so bad! Of course it also didn't help that my lead teacher wasn't in the best of health either. She was there with a horrible cold and having respiratory issues while I kept losing my balance every time I took a step. We didn't exactly make the best of teams that day with our short tempers and matching red noses. And since children will so easily reflect the mood you come in with....it wasn't an easy day.

It only takes one sour Pickle to spoil the whole jar.

Day 54...What did you say?

I woke up this morning and it felt like someone had been punching on my face. Everything from my neck to my eyebrow feels like it's been seriously bruised. I've stayed in bed all day and haven't dared to move any more than to go to the bathroom or the kitchen. Any time I try to walk, I get stabbing pains in the back of my head, and the whole room starts to swim. I haven't really been able to focus my eyes all day and my ear is still completely clogged. On the plus side, it doesn't feel like I'm going to pass out from pain when I hiccup (yesterday if I had so much as a small hiccup, my ear would throb is immense pain from the pressure). And it feels like I'm finally able to get a lot more gunk out of my sinuses, so each time I blow my nose, it's a lot more productive. I'm hoping that tomorrow I'm feeling less spacey because I'm going to try, yet again, to go to work.

For now, I'm lying here in bed, catching up on my blogs and watching old Star Trek videos while dozing in and out. I have to take the antibiotics through Friday, so I'm hoping I'm much better by then. Also, the doctor said it'll be about a week before my ear completely unplugs. It's unfortunate that I still have my training on Friday night as well as on Saturday, so I still only have half of a weekend. Plus, on Sunday, we're spending the evening with my husband's family. So it'll be nearly two weeks before I actually get a weekend to fully rest and relax. In the mean time...I'm gonna get some more rest while I can.

Dreaming of Pickle while passing out from the doctor's prescriptions.

Day 53...Monday Oct. 5th

I tried going back to work again on Monday. As soon as I woke up, I knew it was going to be a rough day. My head was pounding and my sinuses had so much pressure, I could hardly see straight. As soon as I got to work, my boss could see I wasn't doing well. She actually asked if I wanted to go home right in the beginning. But, of course, I had to be stubborn and insist that I try staying the full day. The other trouble was, my lead teacher was also there sick, so I didn't want to leave her there to handle the class without my help.

The morning was very difficult. It was another madhouse day in our classroom. We did all we could to control the situation, but a handful of rowdy boys in our class took over. There was little we could do. We eventually had to call in extra help from my lead's mentor and she was able to help a bit. But honestly, even with all of the madness going on around me, I paid it little attention. My head was pounding so badly and the pressure in my sinuses had become so intense that I could hardly think of anything else. Every time I squatted down to talk to a child and then stood back up, the whole room would spin. By the end of my lunch time, my right ear had completely blocked up and began to cause extreme pain. It started to radiate down my jaw and into my neck, tensing up the whole left side of my face. Since I only had a couple hours left, I figured I could push past the pain long enough to get home and get some medicine. But come the end of the work day, I was is a lot of pain and I could feel fluid moving around in my ear but nothing was coming out. I called my husband and told him I better get to the doctor as soon as possible.

Right after work we went to the nearest walk-in clinic. It was luckily a brief wait before they got me in, but for the short time I was there, the pain in my ear had increased ten fold! The doctor confirmed it, it was an ear infection. They gave me some antibiotics, pain meds, and some ear drops. As soon as we got home, I took the pain meds as soon as I could. I wasn't going to wait another minute with that pain. And yet, even with the pain meds, my head was still throbbing in pain. But I was at least able to get some sleep. Needless to say, I called in and scheduled to stay home from work the following day. Pain meds and antibiotics while working with kids...not a good idea.

Thanks to the pain meds my thoughts, my awareness, and my ability to articulate have all been Pickled.

Day 52...Sunday Oct. 4th

Sunday came with a rough start. I woke up at 3:30am in extreme pain from the sinus pressure that had built up over night. I could hardly see straight from all the pain that was resonating from my nose and forehead. So my husband helped me out of bed and into a hot steamy shower. The steam felt so good on my sinuses! With a little help from some Ibuprofen and the moist heat of the shower, the pain began to subside. My husband then helped me back into bed, propped up with pillows and he made me a nice cup of hot tea with honey. Although the shower, meds, and tea had helped to alleviate the pain, I still couldn't fall back asleep. I was awake until roughly 5:30am before I could finally drift back into sleep.

By 9am I was up again, getting ready for the day. There was no time to rest away my cold for my grandparents had come in to town from California and were visiting for the weekend. My parents had invited us earlier in the week to join the family for a potluck at their house that afternoon on Sunday. We had agreed before I had gotten sick. But it was rare for my grandparents to be in town, so the cold had to be put aside for the sake of family. Being my stubborn self yet again, I pushed passed the sinus pain and figured I could catch up on rest later that night.

The visit was very nice. It's always great getting a chance to be with my family since we hardly see them any more. And it was nice to see how happy and healthy my grandparents are. But as the day went on, the pain of my sinuses started to kick up again and my energy started to drop. So we headed home.

As soon as we got home, I crawled right into bed. It was so nice to finally get some time to rest, until midnight that is. I was woken up by a cough attack that hit me out of nowhere. I was coughing so hard I threw up! It was horrible! Once again, my husband helped me back into bed after it all, propped me up with more pillows, and I attempted to settle back to sleep. It took awhile to regulate my breathing again, but after awhile I was able to get some sleep.

Just a spoon full of Pickle helps the medicine go down.

Day 51...Saturday Oct. 3rd

Saturday was quite miserable. I had an all day training to go to to become a certified Montessori Assistant Teacher. It's a three day training scheduled for that Saturday as well as the following Friday and Saturday, so I still have the rest of the training later this week. Anyway, I had to get up early in the morning to be at the training by 8am which went all day until 5pm. So half of my weekend was gone, thanks to the training! Nothing like being sick all week, attempting to work while sick, and then having a short weekend so I had no time to rest and recover.

The training was actually quite useful. But it was hard to pay attention while my nose was running like mad! I had the horrible combination of a stuffy AND runny nose. I was going through tissues at an abnormally fast rate. It was quite embarrassing. Everyone there kept looking back at me, and during one break a kind woman gave me some cough drops. Though it was a kind gesture, it only confirmed that everyone had heard my sick sound effects going on in the back of the class. The nine hours I was there felt like a life time! Before lunch had even started, I had already gone through all the tissues I had brought with me! I had to run back to the bathroom several times to grab some toilet paper just so I could blow my nose. It was so miserable trying to take notes while sitting in a room full of people who kept shooting me awkward looks as I pulled strands of crumpled tissue from my pocket, holding it up to my bright red and crusty nose.

At that point, the pressure in my sinuses had gotten so bad that I couldn't bend forward without my head throbbing in great pain. But I still had hope that Sunday would offer some relief to this horrible cold so I could return to work on Monday without any problems.

Professor Pickle?...May I be excused to the bathroom? I think my nose is about to explode.

Day 50...Friday Oct. 2nd

It's been about 5 days since I've last blogged and believe me when I say, I've got good reason. As I last blogged, I was fighting off a sickness yet again. At that point, my fever had broke and I was feeling better. Well...on Friday, the sickness took a new turn. Everything went straight to my sinuses. My nose started to run like crazy and I had a terrible dry cough.

Of course, being the stubborn person that I am, I went into work on Friday thinking I would be able to handle it just fine. I felt guilty for taking nearly the whole week off because of my fever, I didn't want to miss another day. So I bundled myself up and dredged into work. It was an unusual day. It was an "In service" day at MCH meaning, all lead teachers were off in meetings all day, and all assistant staff remained at the school to work with extended day students only. Since my class only has one extended day student, he was joined in with the class next door. Because my one student was off in the neighboring class, I worked more as a float staff all day, helping out where ever I was needed.

I spent a good portion of the day cleaning up my classroom. Since I had been out nearly all week, the class had become a bit of a mess without me being there to help keep up on the cleaning. All around the classroom, each broken work and messy shelf told a story of the struggles my lead must have been dealing with all week.

It was about an hour before I got off when my boss came to check in on me. She could see that I was still not feeling good and that my energy was completely tapped out. So, since the ratio of students to teachers had dropped, they could afford to let a staff member go home early (since it was mostly a day for meetings, the majority of the staff had already gone home early, including all the lead teachers). I was elected to go home due to my pale face and pained look. Not to mention I still sounded completely stuffed up. So I bummed a ride home from another co-worker who was heading out and hopped right in to bed.

Even with a shorter day, it felt long. With an aching body and a stuffed up head, Friday came to end.

There ain't no rest for Pickle, money don't grow on trees,

I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed, there ain't nothing in this world for free.

I know I can't slow down, I can't hold back though you know I wish I could,

Oh no there ain't no rest for Pickle, until we close our eyes for good.

Day 49...the countdown begins

It's October 1st. This is the start of the last month where my husband and I can have any alcohol or caffeine. We agreed that we would cut out those things at least 3 months before we try to conceive Pickle in order to insure a healthy baby. Of course, once we do conceive, my husband can go right back to having energy drinks, sodas, and the occasional evening drink. But I won't be going back until well after I am done breast feeding, so I have a ways yet. It's hard to imagine not having any caffeine or drinks for the next (roughly) two years! In some ways it makes me want to absolutely splurge this whole month and just binge on coffee and wine! But at the same time, that would make me sick, not to mention it would make weight loss difficult. Nothing like a bunch of empty calories from drinks to put the weight on!

So this month I will make my final toast to late night, caffeine induced energy boosts. And say my final farewell to relaxing with a nice little buzz on those Fridays at the end of long weeks. Since I'm not much of a drinker and I've already cut back on caffeine so much as it is, it seems like it should be easy. But once it becomes the forbidden...it will become quite the challenge.

On a different note, I am feeling better today. My fever broke last night, coupled with some really crazy fever-induced dreams, so I am feeling less cloudy today as I did yesterday. But, my God! My body hurts all over! Who would have thought that getting over a sickness could leave me feeling like I was hit by a truck! My back hurts, my neck hurts, even the tip of my head hurts! (Maybe all the hours I spent sleeping on the couch wasn't so great on my body after all.) I still feel like someone is sitting on my chest, and like a spike is carving it's way down my throat. But at least my energy is up a little.

A toast to Pickle and all the joys to follow!

Day 48...Wednesday

Wednesday was even worse! I had a fever the majority of the day and spent hours asleep on the couch. There isn't much to say about Wednesday other than I felt lousy and that I had no energy to do anything other than take a hot shower and eat a little soup.

I hate being sick.

Pickle soup for the soul.

Day 47...Tuesday

I've missed a couple days of blogging do to sickness yet again. On Tuesday I woke up with my throat hurting again and my ears plugged. I went in to work hoping I could work through it, but as it turns out, working with kids when you have no voice and little hearing all while feeling miserable...it doesn't go so well. Any time the kids started acting out, I could hardly raise my voice to stop them. All I could do was squeak at them! So a few hours in, I called my husband and asked him to pick me up.

Finding a replacement for me took awhile, so unfortunately my husband had to wait in the parking lot for me before I could even leave. It wasn't a happy time. Here I felt miserable while I was trying to work with a bunch of kids, and my husband was sitting in the lot waiting for me and missing out on hours at his work. The whole thing was a bit of a mess.

That whole evening I watched shows and dozed in and out, all while sitting in a mountain of tissues. I felt horrible! How could I be sick again so soon?!?

I'm afraid my health has been Pickled.