I woke up early this morning, doing my usual pee dance. With each step to the bathroom, I could feel my heart beating faster. I had set out the pregnancy test the night before so it was ready to go (nothing worse then really needing to pee while struggling to open a stubborn wrapper for a test). There I sat awkwardly peeing on a stick, wondering what would happen. I guess I was still expecting to see a negative just because...well...I didn't want to get my hopes up that we'd be getting pregnant the first time around. I left the test on the counter and crawled back into bed. My husband was awake and held me as we nervously waited.
There it was...two lines. Two of the happiest little lines I have ever seen! It hit me....I'm going to be a mom! My husband and I are going to have a baby!!!! Holy crap!...we're pregnant!
Welcome Pickle!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Day 169...Run-on Sentence of a week...aka: no period
I had hopes that Friday would offer some relief to the madness that the week had been, but instead it decided to live up to the week's crappy reputation. My lead teacher called in a personal day (her daughter was sick) so we had a substitute lead which translated into a chaotic classroom. It also just so happened to be the day before this big open house event at work, so I had way more cleaning scheduled to do to prep the class for all the visiting parents. It was an extremely busy day, and our class was out of control. We had one child who was being so aggressive, in fact, that he had to be sent home. Oddly enough though, in spite of the dramatic day at the end of a dramatic week, I was able to handle the stress really well. I don't know if it was because it was Friday, but I found myself just shrugging things off. With the weekend just around the corner and the stressful week finally coming to an end, I was hardly fazed by the mess that was Friday.
I had a nice relaxing evening with my husband, where I ended up crashing on our big beanbag chair until my husband dragged me off to bed. Once I got to the bedroom however, I hardly slept. I kept tossing and turning thinking of the following morning. You see, my period still hadn't started so we went to the store after work and got some pregnancy tests. Since it's best to test with the first morning pee, we decided to test first thing Saturday morning. With all the anticipation, I found myself waking up nearly every hour, tossing and turning, wondering what the result would be.
What Pickles may come.
I had a nice relaxing evening with my husband, where I ended up crashing on our big beanbag chair until my husband dragged me off to bed. Once I got to the bedroom however, I hardly slept. I kept tossing and turning thinking of the following morning. You see, my period still hadn't started so we went to the store after work and got some pregnancy tests. Since it's best to test with the first morning pee, we decided to test first thing Saturday morning. With all the anticipation, I found myself waking up nearly every hour, tossing and turning, wondering what the result would be.
What Pickles may come.
Day 168...Principal's office
Thursday was a roller coaster! I was supposed to start my period that day, plus work stress was all over the place! The majority of the day was going really well when, right at the end of the day I was called down to the boss's office for an unexpected meeting. I was scared shitless! To sum things up, they had called a meeting to talk to me and the co-worker who had worked late with me on Tuesday. The bosses wanted to talk about the reasoning behind our decision to combine classes. I was pissed! I had asked the other co-worker to separate the classes and combine later when we were within ratio, but she had pressured me into combining and now I was feeling the pain of the stupid choice I made to give in to her pressure. I didn't just want to throw her under the bus and get into a pointless "he said, she said" dispute, so I swallowed my words. At the end of the meeting, however, my boss pulled me aside and apologized to me. She admitted that they had the group meeting to avoid showing any obvious favoritism and that they were aware the decision to combine was pressured on me. They then showered me with praise, saying how much they really loved having me work there and they trusted my judgment. I was so relieved!
So although the trip to the office had thrown me for a loop and shot my stress through the roof, I was happy that it had a good ending. I got closure for the situation and I even got complimented by my bosses! All in all, it was a good day, but at that point I was more than ready for just an average day to come my way.
My period still hadn't shown up.
Great Pickle, don't get cocky!
So although the trip to the office had thrown me for a loop and shot my stress through the roof, I was happy that it had a good ending. I got closure for the situation and I even got complimented by my bosses! All in all, it was a good day, but at that point I was more than ready for just an average day to come my way.
My period still hadn't shown up.
Great Pickle, don't get cocky!
Day 167...Rude awakening
On Wednesday I was woken up by my boss calling me, interrogating me as to why we combined our classes the night before when she specifically asked us not to. It wasn't exactly how I wanted to start my day.
The drama ensued with the kids in my class going crazy and the overall day being packed with stress. I can't honestly remember much else of what happened that day (I didn't care to really hang on to the memory of it all), but I remember not liking it.
When I came home that night, I was exhausted and praying for the weekend to hurry up and get there. And throughout all the work drama, I was still anxiously waiting to see if my period would show up.
You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt.
Pickle don't you call me 'cause I can't go;
I owe my soul to the company store.
The drama ensued with the kids in my class going crazy and the overall day being packed with stress. I can't honestly remember much else of what happened that day (I didn't care to really hang on to the memory of it all), but I remember not liking it.
When I came home that night, I was exhausted and praying for the weekend to hurry up and get there. And throughout all the work drama, I was still anxiously waiting to see if my period would show up.
You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt.
Pickle don't you call me 'cause I can't go;
I owe my soul to the company store.
Day 166...Aftercare calamity
Tuesday was dramatic. Several of my co-workers went home sick so I was asked to stay and work late that night. It was epically stressful because the day had already been a disaster in my class, so being asked to stay later was not what I wanted to hear. The other problem was, that night, my co-worker convinced me to combine our classes (against the boss's instructions) and ended up getting us in trouble for it. Since I hadn't worked the closing shift before, I really didn't know what was the usual protocol so I went with it...big mistake. The bosses apparently found out and, little did we know, we were going to get reamed for it the next day.
I stress ate that night, downing a salmon burger, fries, and several cookies. I went to bed with a major stomach ache.
Pickled peer pressure.
I stress ate that night, downing a salmon burger, fries, and several cookies. I went to bed with a major stomach ache.
Pickled peer pressure.
Day 165...Monday madness
Monday was the start of a very long and stressful week. Work was busy and by the time I got home, I was practically falling asleep by 8pm. I had tried taking a pregnancy test Sunday night since I was showing possible signs of pregnancy (higher amounts of cervical mucus, feeling extremely tired, slightly nauseous, and moody), but the test came out negative. I wasn't too surprised since it was only ten days past my estimated ovulation time and I hadn't missed my period yet (due that coming Thursday), so we decided we'd hold off on buying any more pregnancy tests until I was officially late for my period.
Other than that, it was just playing the waiting game. One of my least favorite games in life.
O Pickle where art thou?
Other than that, it was just playing the waiting game. One of my least favorite games in life.
O Pickle where art thou?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Day 164...50/50
After reading the responses from all the other ladies at WTE, I can't say that I'm very excited about this next week. They seemed to just say that what I've been feeling (the fatigue, the cramps, the sore nipples, and mood swings) could all just be signs of AF coming. I guess it just finally hit me that it really is a strong possibility that I could not be pregnant. With all the things I've been feeling, I started to seriously think I might be pregnant. But the odds of getting pregnant with the first try are slim. Plus, my body has psyched me out before into thinking it was pregnant so I can't exactly trust it.
Now I'm trying to switch my thinking, convincing myself that it's more likely that I'll get my period than see a positive pregnancy test. I have seen so many negative tests, it's hard for me to even imagine getting a positive one. As much as my body is feeling different right now, it could very well be because I'm adjusting to being off my birth control. I just wish I felt some special connection, some sort of sure feeling. There are so many women I read about that have premonitions and gut feelings that they are pregnant. But I don't have anything. All my life I have had pride in being able to have those strong gut feelings to go off of when big changes in my life happen. I can't help but feel sad that I don't have that. Maybe I don't have that feeling because I'm not pregnant. Or maybe I am but I just don't have that connection with my baby. Either way, it makes me sad.
My husband is trying to convince me that I should see it as a 50/50 chance that I could be pregnant or not. Most statistics say that it's more like a 25% chance of pregnancy since it's so hard to catch that egg at the right time. But my husband still says that I should hang on to hope. He says that I shouldn't focus on them being "symptoms" but just know that it's a possibility. If we're not pregnant yet, we can always try again next month.
Now I'm trying to switch my thinking, convincing myself that it's more likely that I'll get my period than see a positive pregnancy test. I have seen so many negative tests, it's hard for me to even imagine getting a positive one. As much as my body is feeling different right now, it could very well be because I'm adjusting to being off my birth control. I just wish I felt some special connection, some sort of sure feeling. There are so many women I read about that have premonitions and gut feelings that they are pregnant. But I don't have anything. All my life I have had pride in being able to have those strong gut feelings to go off of when big changes in my life happen. I can't help but feel sad that I don't have that. Maybe I don't have that feeling because I'm not pregnant. Or maybe I am but I just don't have that connection with my baby. Either way, it makes me sad.
My husband is trying to convince me that I should see it as a 50/50 chance that I could be pregnant or not. Most statistics say that it's more like a 25% chance of pregnancy since it's so hard to catch that egg at the right time. But my husband still says that I should hang on to hope. He says that I shouldn't focus on them being "symptoms" but just know that it's a possibility. If we're not pregnant yet, we can always try again next month.
I'm trying to see things 50/50 but it's not easy. I want so badly to be the exception and be pregnant on our first try. But again I'm stuck just waiting it out. I'll be able to test by this Friday if I haven't started yet.
Is the Pickle half full or half empty?
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